I've been with my husband for five years and have two small children. I found a phone bill in his name but with a different address than our home. I went to the address on the bill and met his 23 year old girl friend. She showed me a scapbook of them together when she was crowned queen of our college and showed me all of the gifts he gave her. I found out he was sleeping with her when I was pregnant with my youngest. We ended up confronting him and he had to tell the truth. He told her that he wanted to be with me and the family we created together. That was a couple of months ago. He still comes home around 9 or 10 p.m. The other night he had his ring on the wrong hand. He told me that he took it off at work because he types alot and it started to hurt his finger. Hello ! My husband types with his two index fingers! Then one night he said that he was in a grocery store that was held up and that was the reason he was late. Do I continue to go on with this relationship hoping that he is telling the truth or is it obvious that I'm being fooled? What do you do in situations like this ? How likely am I to date again with two children under age 6 ?He tells me I won't prosper without him. Please offer any advice you can.

Welcome <B>jacqueline</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>It doesn't seem like your H is really into the recovery of your marriage.<P>I would recommend that you(by yourself if your H won't start) have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<BR>Starting counseling will show your H you are serious about your recovery.<P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...check out the mechanics at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Keep posting your questions...<BR>...you are not alone!<P> <P>Jim

hello jacqueline,<P>When you met the girlfriend, did she seem suprised that he was married? Was she remorseful for what she had been participating in? If he told her that he wanted to be with his family, I am wondering was she accepting of that or not. Have you discussed together the end of that realtionship(no contact) since he said he wants to be with you and the kids. <P>I you want this marriage to work, I suggest starting Plan A now. You can learn about this and many other helpful things in the book by Dr. Harley, Surviving an Affair. <P>Don't worry about dating with small children if you want to work on the marriage. If, in the end, you decide not to be with him, there are plenty of men who date women with small children. He is just telling you these things to manipulate you into staying with him. Don't pay attention to that. Those are just hurtful words that he may one day regret saying.<P>For now, I think you should start getting educated on the MB principles and start Plan A.<P><BR>cleo

As cleo has said, do Plan A, and don't think about beyond your marriage. Work on meeting his emotional needs (EN). For the record, there are plenty of men that will date someone with two kids. Don't worry about that at all...just concentrate on your marriage.<P>Go with your intuition when wondering if something is up. If you suspect it, you are usually right.<P>Obviously he doesn't want to lose you, or he wouldn't tell you that you won't proper without him. He won't prosper, because he'd have to support you first.<P>Don't expect anything to happen overnight, and just relax and don't think about dating again. It isn't time for any of those thoughts now. Get His Needs/Her Needs from this site, and start working on meeting his emotional needs. Sounds like he just thinks he can continue doing what he is doing, but maybe if you meet his needs, he won't have to and won't want to. Read the stuff on this site as a start, and see if you can determine what he is getting elsewhere that he could get from you. That is what it all comes down to.<P>Ask as much as you need to on here, keep us posted on your progress, and take care.<P>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited October 08, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited October 08, 2000).]

Cleopatra and Rick - thanks for the responses. He said that he wanted our marriage to work and I agreed to stay. But I told him that he would have to leave her totally alone, start coming home at a decent hour, and call me during the day- just as a start. He asked me not to ever bring the situation up again. I told him that it was not possible that we need counseling. He actually told me that I am the one with the problem and I need the counseling. But I've found out that he has still been in contact with her. I saw his cell phone bill and there were numerous calls to her and another female. He denied making the calls even confronted with the actual bill. I can't turn the marriage around by myself. I called the other number on his bill and a woman answered. I asked her if she knew my husband she said yes he's on the other line. Then she told me rather bluntly, that he is not married. He then told me that she was someone that he works with and he called her in advance to let her know that I was going to call. He said that she was going to say some really mean things to me but he wouldn't let her because he didn't want to cause any more problems. But he wanted her to say something so I would be paid back for calling her. I'm really tired of trying when he isn't. It is about 8 :30 p.m. and I haven't talked to him all day. What kind of relationship is this ?

I have had many problems in my own marriage and I will tell you what almost everyone has told me. "If you have done all you know to fix the problems in your marriage, and your husband is not willing to do the same, then it is probably time to move on." He may say he cares about you, but if he really loves you, he will be faithful to you.