I was married a young age, the marriage lasted 3yrs and both of us had affairs.My last affair was with a man I fell completely on love with and am now engaged to be married to.<BR>One thing that seems to be the cause of many sleepless nights, heated agruments and months of fustration is the fact that he believes I was unfaithful to him at one point. His reason for this is that he was not there for me during my divorce and someone else had to have been. He believes if I just tell him what he thinks is the truth which is I was unfaithful to him it will end all his fears. The problem is I was never unfaithful to him, I waited for him because I love him so much so what can I do? <BR>He was married before and was unfaithful but I found trust to give him. Is it impossible to have the same in return? I had made a choice with this relationship to make the effort to have committed long lasting marraige with him. I was told in the past that relationships are prone to problems we are having when they are started as ours was.<BR>This is the only thing that dampers our ralationship. The weight of this alone is threatening him and I as a couple. I am at a loss. How do I even begin to fix this. We have both decided to work on this which seems impossible given the answer he wants and basically needs to end this. I know he loves and honestly wants to be with me but everytime he looks at me he thinks I am lieing to him and it hurts me deeply to see that in his eyes and as he says hurts him to think that.It is amazing thet two people who obviously love each other so much be so damaged by this.I have no idea where to start or how to end this so we can move on.

Sheala,<P>This is one of the reasons that the statistics for successful marriages of people who have an affair is somewhere around 3%. That doesn't mean that your won't work, but the odds don't favor it. WHy, because of lack of trust and the baggage each brings to the new marriage.<P>If you really want to help your chances of a successful marriage, go to NSR's greeting post in the "Just Found out" section and read all of the information in there. You will learn a great deal about marriages and relationships.<P>It may help you put this one together properly. Until and unless, your BF can get this idea out of his head, you have no business marrying him. You will get hammered with it over and over again and you two will very likely just add to the divorce statistics.<P>Please keep reading and posting. People here will help you and answer questions.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Well, um, how did your relationship with him begin? You were cheating on your H. What does this tell your BF?<P>Marriage vows mean little or nothing to you.<P>You are quite willing to lie with a smile.<P>You place your needs and wants above everyone regardless of how many people you hurt.<P>You lack integrity and honesty.<P>Sorry to put it so bluntly, but this is a case where you got exactlly what you asked for. You don't really expect him to "forget" who you really are do you?<P>Again I don't want to sound mean but this is just part of the price you must pay for your decisions. Somehow people that cheat on their spouse seem to think there aren't any long term ramifications to their dishonesty. Your post may just wake some of those folks up. Thanks.