I just found out my wife has been seeing another guy.she had been for about a 6 mths now ,they have meet at least 4 times and according to her only sleep together this last time ,she would always tell me she was going to see a freind "a women" of hers from online.i have been such a fool, i pushed her right into his arms and didnt even care untill reality hit me .she told me she had feelings for somebody and i just passed it on as her being "love crazed" with a person online.it is so easy to do !! Little did i know it was more than that,the signs were there i just ignored them .i thought she is such a good women she would never do anything like that ,huh !!i must be crazy. i love her and i told her i want us to work on getting things back to "normal".she said she still has feelings for him but all she ever wanted was me !! iam willing to try but cant get the image of them together out of my mind .am i crazy or what any opinions would be appreciated thanks

Hi Butch,<P>welcome to the forum. You're not crazy. We probably have all thought that at one time or another but I can assure you that you are not crazy. You may feel that way many times during this whole process, but this is a great place to come to for support.<P>If you haven't already, read through Dr. Harley's priciples and buy Surviving an Affair. I read it cover to cover more than once and it is an invaluable resource. This book will help map out the road to recovery for you and your spouse. You are so lucky that she admits that she wants to be with you. The book will talk about "no contact" between the wayward spouse and the other person. This will be the most direct way to get on with your recovery. I can't recommend this book enough.<P>The image of the two of them may not go away anytime soon. When you start to think about it, do something positive for yourself or say a little prayer. It will fade eventually as you start to get back on track with your marriage. Take care and come back.<P>cleo

Welcome <B>butchb</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P><B>You are not alone</B>...<P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...and check out... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Read all you can here and get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Hello, and I am sorry to say, welcome. Here we all are to vent, support, understand, and encourage. Finding out, dealing with it, and deciding what to do is so difficult right now. I know, because my H. is having an on line affair. I found out three weeks ago, and the pain is so fresh. You are not a fool, you trusted her, believed in your love for her, and hers for you. That is why it hurts so bad. All you wanted was loyality, truth, trust, and devotion. I can understand. Read every thing you can, and know this, no matter what happens, we people here at this forum have been there, are going through it, and are here to listen, understand and support. My H. just left after telling me he loves me. Yet, in the back of my mind, I wonder if he has emailed the OW today. Trust is hard to build, once you have lost it. I know this from experience. My H. is the man I love, and I want to be with him, but can I be enough for him? That is my problem. gn

[ iam willing to try but can't get the image of them together out of my mind .am i crazy or what any opinions would be appreciated thanks[/B][/QUOTE]<P>When you think about her put yourself in the picture. There is a small part of OM she thinks she wants. If you want her don't let your pride get in the way, she'll know you love her if you can show it even now. I know this is extremely hard to do, But she can't see you do anything that hurts her.<P>Think of how much 1 LB takes away from what is already there. I even practice talking to my wife when I'm alone in the car. In no time at all you get good at talking in a way that doesn't hurt her but gets your point across. I can see what sounds best and then <BR>when asked I'm ready. It also lets me know how I feel about things. Some things That I can't discuss without hurting her I have to pass on for both our sake.