From Dr. H's description of Sexual Needs on this web site (Capital Letters are mine):<P>"Sexual fantasies are usually a dead give-away for a sexual need. If you have imagined what it would be like having your sexual need met in the most fulfilling ways, you probably have a sexual need. The more the fantasy is employed, the greater your need. And the way your sexual need is met in your fantasy is usually a good indicator of your SEXUAL PREDISPOSITION AND ORIENTATION. FANTASIES in general ARE A GOOD INDICATOR OF EMOTIONAL NEEDS.<P>"Your most common fantasies usually reflect your most important needs."<P>Some of W's favorite fantasies have to do with women, what if what I am trying to accomplish is wrong and she is right in the sense that she's better off with women?<P>The symptoms of the betrayer are there, all the lies, the double talk, the changes, all... but why didn't she find herself another man, why a woman?<P>This thought has been killing me since last night, the thought that even if she doen't get far with OP, she'll keep looking but not my way.<P>6 months to 2 years.....? I don't know- she promised to be here tonight because we (actually I) have this "thing" going on tomorrow morning. Of course she hasn't arrived, sent beeper saying she'll be late. I've been sleeping 2-3 hours a night for 12 days now (actually last night was less than one hour). I can't go on like this.<P>What if I leave? Right now she has it made- her 5 main needs are 1.- Affection (both OP & I are giving her this) 2.- Sex (OP is taking well care of this) 3.-Conversation (again OP & I are contributing) 4.-Domestic Support (we have a maid who now reports to me & I'm on duty during weekends) and 5.- Family Commitment (obviously me). So she's in heaven- sort of…<P>What I think is that if I leave the house she'll be a little more responsible, but what if she isn't and my daughter is neglected? The girl "smells" something but is not sure what it is.<P>On the other hand if she leaves I don't know if I can keep up either…<P>It's a no-go situation any way I look at it. I can forgive her just for my own sake and temporary peace of mind, since she (paraphrasing Bill) doesn't give a s___t about me, my forgiveness or anything else, for crying out loud.<P>I'm signing off… I'll try to get some sleep, if I can't I'll say hi to the owls sometime later tonight. Ciao.<P>ThisAlex<P>------------------<BR>If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about Trust and Awareness.

ThisAlex,<P>It sounds like you're starting to debate whether <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is right for you.<P>Only <B>you</B> will know. I see alot of the forum people going directly to Dr. S. Harley for advice in private counseling... I might too when the time comes for me. Maybe you'll want to check it out too.<P>Basically <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is to protect your love for your wife....<BR>When <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> has no results... and because of that... your love for your W is draining away... to stop that drain... go to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>...<P>Not for revenge...<BR>Not for twisting her arm...<BR>Just to save your love!<P>External situations obviously come into play...<BR>Who goes?<BR>If she does... how to take of child(ren)?<BR>If you go... how to protect child(ren)?<BR>Details of communications?... etc.<P>You need to give this serious thought...<BR>Lot's of logistics need to be worked out...<BR>Hard family relationships(w/ child) too!<P>I have my kids... since my W left me!<BR>Protection of children isn't an issue for me!<BR>I wanted the kids!... I'll do anything for them... I think to the point where their protection came ahead of MB techniques!<BR>But everyone has to evaluate what they want in life. It may not turn out to be... the Harley way.<P>I understand about W not caring...<BR>Yesterday, I got the... now "traditional" F*** **U.... about not having the kids ready to see her as she was droping off my D's ballet bag. Oh well...<P>I feel for you...<BR>I can't realize all your going throgh... but I know it is <B>very</B> hard.<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

ThisAlex:<P>Why don't you call Dr. Harley on his radioshow (2-3 PM CST) and ask?? It's toll-free, easy, and I think you get a free book out of it.

Alex,<P>First, have you been to the doctor or a counselor? I know you have probably been told 50,000 times that you need to consider this but have you done so? You HAVE to take care of you!! <P>Dealing with this trama takes all your strength, mentally and physically. You can not make logical decisions affecting the rest of your life if you are tired, and drained. You HAVE to be strong. Get some help. Have the doctor get you some meds to help you sleep and for depression. <P>Having said that, I can honestly say I don't understand what your W is doing. But I do feel you need to stay home. Don't leave. You daughter needs you and the stability you provide. Due to a previous career, I have seen alot of the results of children in homes with an alternate lifestyle. Please feel free to email me for more on that subject,,Nerlycrzy@aol.com. Alex, your daughter needs you. <P>

I got some sleep last night: 8 hours straight!!!!!!! (& I really need something straight these days).<P>I live in a beautiful place but I hadn't noticed lately, and today the sun was shining like it hadn't in almost 2 weeks.<P>I won't leave, still haven't resolved the Q regarding sexual orientation... have so much to think... asking Dr. H? Don't know, I've never liked those talk shows (but before all this mess I never saw myself in an internet forum either).<P>So much to love... to lose... to gain... to resolve... to fight for... to work for... loneliness or solitude...? so much pain... so much pain... so much pain... so much thinking...thinking... thinking...<P>Thank you, Jim, K & Nerlycrzy.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about Trust and Awareness.

Alex,<P>I called Dr.H on his radio show, got right through. He was very perseptive got right to the quik of things with minimal info. He is real easy to talk to. I didn't get a book, then again I didn't ask for one.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>