This week has been going better than it started. I had told my wife I was taking the kids to a recreated village museum on Saturday. It's harvest time and apples will be picked and cider made...etc.<BR>She called Sat morning to tell me to have fun. She got me out of the shower, happened several times now. She asks me what I'm doing, tell her standing on a towel dripping wet. She laughs, asks if she should call later, I said now was fine. She asked me if I could buy her some apples. She would pay me for them. I said I had that covered. She said if I got her enough for two pies she would make me one. That's enough for me, she'll have the apples. She asked me how counseling was going, told her great, am going every 2 weeks now and it is helping. She said I seem to be much better. She asked what I am learning. I told her I have been reading books on making marrage work and meeting spouses needs, and I have been able to talk to counseler about this. She wanted to know where I thought we were headed. I told her I wanted to work things out,and understand that she has things to work out too. I told her that even if the divorce goes through I want to keep working on our marriage. She asked if I thought I would look or someone else in the future if things did'nt work out for us. I said no I feel like I couldn't do that and I would have to live on my own. We talked some more and she asked(while I'm still naked on a towel) if "anything had come up" I said I was too cold to but liked the thought. she seemed warm and fun. She asked me what things I thought would have helped our marriage. I told her getting out to have fun more often, just talking like we were, that I missed that so much. She said we can still do that. The conversation got more serious and she said she called to say have fun, not spoil my day. I told her I liked it when she calls. I have called her before but usually to ask something. 1-2 times I have called her to say hi, just want to hear her voice. She likes that, I do too.<P>Is there a direction I should be going, what should I be doing?<P><BR>

Sounds like progress! You must be doing something right...<P>

It all seems to boil down to, I plain miss her. morning, noon & night. I am doing better with me and learning to like myself. <P>My wife asked me how I was doing and I said better, it is easier to smile and laugh. the tears still come though. She said she is doing much better too. Not so depressed. I said I was glad for her. I feel close yet so far. She seems to be afraid to let me closer for fear I will stop trying. <BR>This is all for now I have something on my mind for later, when I can put it in words.

Daniel: What ever you are doing, you are going at it fine. You should know that I envy you. My H. doesn't do that for me, and I was not the betrayer. Daniel, maybe you can understand that she has to feel safe to talk with you agian, so these little conversations on meaningless subjects start the conversation off slow, and comfortable. If your wife feels safe, she will open up, if you feel safe you will open up, but if there is not safety comfort zone, then neither of you will open up, making it hard to communicate. Good luck! gn

Kam. and snugglermi Thanks for the feedback. I go up and down so much here lately. I am just tired some days. I ticked her off Wed. night. I'll try to make a long story short. Through misunderstanding, she thought I was being inconsiderate. I calmly pointed out that I did not purposely do anything to hurt her. She told me that it bothered her when there was a glimmer of hope I do same old things like before. I told her I understood how that would upset her but that was not what I was trying to do. I told her I was sorry and that I didn't want to hurt her.<P>Is it a good thing to hear her say about a glimmer of hope?<P>This morning She called to say she was sorry for getting so upset. I told her I understood. Later I called her to fill her in on the realtor news. she seemed OK. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Daniel (edited October 29, 2000).]