I just caught my husband meeting the OW at the park they were sitting in her car. He advise that they are only firends and that I wouldn't have understood. He does not know that I know he spent $560 to get her car fixed and is lying saying he did it for his cousin. He advise that he needed to talk to her to let her know that she is not the cause of what is happening between him and I. I asked if he wanted to continue the friendship, he advise yes. He wasnt at all worried about me or the marriage. I did not ask him to make a decision or anything of that nature.That night he went to work and when he came home he advised that he wanted to separate. He said our marriage isnt working and he wants to try something new. He advise that he had been thinking about leaving but was going to wait until after Christmas. We have a 4yrs old daughter. Neither one of us can afford to move out of the house, so we agreed to stay in the house until after Christmas. He comes and goes as he pleases and I know for a fact he has been over the OW house. The other day I asked him to spend the day with me and he said no and we argued but I did not mention the OW. He will only deny it, but he was gone all day. He has asked me for sex, but I dont feel that I should since I know he is having a relationship outside of the marriage, plus we are supposed to be separated. I still love him very much but he has made a choice, I feel that I should respect that, but he is sending me mixed signals sometimes. He sleeps on the couch. And gets very nasty if I ask where he has been or where he's going. I'm not sure what I should be doing right now. When I tried to make a move on him he pushed me away, when I told him I love him he doesnt say anything. I tried begging. When he sees me cry he just turns away, its like he doesnt care at all now that the cats out of the bag. But a week before I cought them together he was going to buy me new car, that doesnt sound like a man who is tryng to leave, I have asked if there is anyway besides separation to work this out and he has said no, unless he wanted sex and than its maybe unitl it's over. He hasnt said anything to his family. I think that he playing a game with me. What should I do, Help???????

Welcome <B>mariah</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>I'm so sorry this is happening to you...<BR>Please know... <B>you are not alone!</B><P>I would suggest you start on what we call <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>See my site... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A><BR>Start on it, even if you don't understand why!<P>Definitely watch out for <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>... i.e. the fighting...<P>...and work on meeting his <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>...<BR>"sexual fulfillment" for him may have to wait if you suspect any STDs!!!<P>Do start at my <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post...<BR>...read and understand the concepts...<BR>...get and read the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>...<BR>...start on Plan A... (blindly trusting me/us if you would)<P>...and most of all stay here and post/read/reply!!!<P>Again...<BR>...<B>you are not alone</B>!!!<P> <P>Jim

Well I thought that it might be possible to work this out, but he does not want to stay. he only wants to stay until he can afford to leave. He does not know thatI know he has still been seeing the OW. And yesterday he and tha OW took our daughter shopping for a costume. When he have relations there is no tenderness. And he said last night that he doesnt want to have sex if its going to make things more complex, like I might think things can work out. Than he said he was hoping that if we live togther during this time maybe things would get better and then he let me know that we should reside togther a little longer. He disappears all day while I'm at work and how can we work this out if he wont admit that he and the OW are more than friends. And he wont stop seeing her. He says that he feels trapped and that he wants to try something new. Says I need to know what he's doing every minute of the day, I said if I dont ask he wont talk to me.

Yes...<P>Be honest with him...<P>You have to tell him you know...<BR>...and disapprove the OW having contact with your child.<P>That will be your D(Discovery)-day!<P>Get into counseling...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>Keep on doing as much Plan A as you can.<P>It really is most effective while your WS is still at home.<P> <P>Jim

Just for clarity, you think that I should be honest with him and tell him that I think he and the OW are more than friends. Should I also tell him that I know that he has been going over to the OW house all the time? I believe that he will just deny it and say that I havent changed that I'm just crazy with jealousy and that's why this marriage cant work. Sometimes I think he's trying to convince me that I'm crazy or that this is all my fault. I must admit though that this is how he and I got started. I was married to someone else and he was single. He used to call me all the time and had to see me even if it was for 5 minutes, anything I wanted to do was okay. It was like he couldnt live without me. I reap what I have sown.