I've been posting in another board, but i'm new here so i'll give you the short version of my story.<P>Married 3 years with 1 yo son, about a year and a half ago my H told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore. Since then i tried counseling, found this site and began Plan A. I've got some progress with Plan A but the progress stopped about 3 months or more. Today i've found that my H is having a PA/EA and i am planning to talk to him tonight because i cannot keep this inside me, so i need your advice<P>Husband, I know that you are having an affair with OW (in my mind "little b#$@").. wait for his reaction.<BR>I also know that i believe in our marriage and i believe in you. I know that i can forgive you for the affair even though once i said that i couldn't. I also know that we can restore our marriage but it won't happen until your A is over. You are a big boy and you can make your decision according to what you really want.<BR>I am your wife, i love you (even though i want to kill you.... sorry vent) and all i want is your happiness. All the changes i have done until know are still valid, because i want our marriage to work out.<BR>Big hugh...... (press his neck....sorry vent)<P>What do you think?

I'm so sorry to hear this.<P>Your plan to tell him these things sounds good. Of course, you have no way of knowing what he will say...so be prepared & keep calm.<P>You aound like you are handling things well...all those months of hanging around MB will come in handy!<P>Keep us posted.<P>Big hugs--<P>Kathi

trapito,<P>Do talk to him...<BR>...but watch the Love Busters...<P>Let him know you are hurt...<BR>...<I>honesty</I> is so important!!!<P>...but...<P>How about "grown man" instead of "big boy"...<P>How about "All the changes i have done<B>/learned</B>... I will continue do... because <I>I love you</I>..."<BR>..."...but you have to know... <B>you are draining my love with your actions with the OW... and that loss of love cannot go on forever.</B>"<P><BR>Be honest...<BR>...you and he deserve nothing less.<P>BTW... Yes to the BIG {{{HUG}}}!<P> <P>Jim

Trapito,<P>I am so sorry to hear about your H's infidelity! I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! Please keep us updated!<P>Take care of yourself!!

Dear Trapito,<P>I am very sorry for what you are going through. My situation was a little different because my W confessed before I could get the guts to ask her (I was suspicious at the time).<P>However, all I can say is try to stay as calm as possible when the moment of truth arrives. Avoid the Love Busters and the temptation to "strike back" at the one who hurt you. I know it's hard, really hard. It's okay to tell your H your feelings and how hurt you are, but try not to do it in a way that is full of anger and fury. I don't know how I managed to do it myself, but it helped us establish a dialogue towards reconciliation much faster than the other way would have.<P>Listen to NSR. His advice is good.

I think the others covered things very well, but I just wanted to reiterate the importance of being very calm, and also to be prepared for denial when you start your conversation. You might not get the admission that you want. But even so, you can let him know that you know, and you love him, etc. (all the stuff you learned).<P>You probably know all this already, but in any event, I wish you the best.