This is very hard for me. My husband refuses to spend time with me. We have been married for 3 1/2 years and up until now things have been going good. Recently, he will not return my pages, although at times he will have his company dispacher call me and let me know what my husband is doing ( no he isn't a cop, he is an inner city truck driver). I have not made any hint to my husband that I expect a phone call from a co-worker on my behalf, I want HIM to communicate to me. He has been moody, and has been spending time going out to play darts with the guys, but will not let me know in advance that he is going out. We have a 2 year old daughter, and it is not a problem to arrange for a family member to baby sit and we could go out together ( I did this this weekend ). I have spoken to him about this, but it does not have any effect. This week I found long curly reddish hair in my car and the passenger seat was moved back so that my daughter's legs were leaned up against the back of the seat. I am physically attractive and very personable, and my husband and I do spend time at home. when he's there, talking about work and other topics, but I have instincts screaming at me, and my gut feeling is making me sick. I was married previously in 1987 for a short time, and my ex-husband was unfaithful. I was emotionally destroyed for quite a while, and it took me 10 years to try again with marriage. I am crying as I type this. God help me, I don't know what to do PLEASE HELP ME

Hi,<P>I'm sorry for your pain. Although you don't know what's going on but when you feel something is wrong it's usually right.<P>I don't have anything to say to help you but I just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel right now and want to give you many hugs. <P>I suggest you to post this on "general question" area, more people will read there and you will get many responses.<P>Please please hang in there, and keep posting.<P>((((((((((hugs))))))))))<P>Meg

You've come to a good site for information if you want to get perspective on your marriage's problems. Please check out the sections on His Needs, Her Needs; Lovebusters, Surviving an Affair, etc. The brief summaries posted on the site can get you started, but you may find you want to get some of the books, they're very reasonably priced. <P>In this situation, you probably do have to trust your gut instincts; the kind of changes and events you're seeing are in all likeliehood indicative of your worst fears.<P>So, the "Plan A" recommendation from this site is a good start- but be especially aware that Plan A is for working on you, making you happier and more successful as an INDIVIDUAL, not just as part of a couple. Part of what this means is developing your capaicity for self validated intimacy, not just other validated intimacy. A very good book to consider besides the Harley's is David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage", which takes a very intelligent and thoughtful approach to marital issues on a variety of level, as well as the genereal marriage development process, and how and why it will NORMALLY become gridlocked until partner's learn to break throught their own barriers into the next level of intimate communication. I recommend this book VERY highly.<P>Good luck with your situation, and best wishes,<P>Jon<P><BR>

First of all, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Second, you may want to repost Monday morning (or late Sunday night) on General Questions II forum. It is the most common, and weekends are slow here, but weekdays you'll get lots of advice and support.<P>I hope your fears are not true, but all too often, our gut instincts are accurate. The best thing you can do is read the articles on this site, especially about Plan A, Love Busters (LB), and Emotional Needs (EN). Usually in a marriage, when things are going wrong, ENs are not being met, possibly for both. You can start to change things silently by not doing LBs, and by meeting his ENs. Take a good look at what you might not be meeting, and when you talk, instead of being in any way abrasive or agitated (I'm not saying you are), be kind and sincere but communicate your point. Just do Plan A and do it well.<P>You might want to provide more details as to how you interact generally, how much time does he spend with his daughter, etc. You'll get lots of advice here.<P>Remember that there are lots of people on here going through very awful situations, and we understand what you feel. Keep us posted and let us know how things progress. Also, for whatever it is worth, remember that you have a 2 year old daughter with him, and you are his wife, so you are in the drivers seat, regardless of what is happening with him. You've got that on your side.<P>Good luck. Keep an eye on things and just try to Plan A well. If you have questions about it, just ask. Take care.

Welcome <B>echo1124</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>First, you will want to confirm your suspicions...<P>Check out a previous post... <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair</A> and<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000480.html" TARGET=_blank>Snoop tricks for Betrayed Spouses</A>...<P><B>In any case</B>...<BR>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>and also see <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>...<BR>Do work on Plan A with blind belief...<BR>...worry about why you should later.<P>Avoid jumping to too many conclusions...<BR>...and give whatever benefit of the doubt makes sense.<P>Keep posting here...<BR>...<B>you are not alone</B>!<P> <P>Jim