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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 248
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 248 |
Why is it that I'm having such lows now? I drive down the road and start crying so bad. I took a job on the side to keep financially afloat. I feel like I shoud be proud of myself, for all I have done. I find me getting mad at myself for screwing up so badly. I get so lonely at home alone.That's another reason to work on the side, not home alone for long. I do meet alot of other people, and the job is interesting. The problem is I don't want to go home to an empty house. My wife has been OK this past week. <BR>I know I love her and want to stay married, but have a hard time waiting for her.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 183
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 183 |
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad Daniel. <P>I don't know your situation. Are you the BS? How long since D-day? If you are the BS, I can really relate to that just totally empty feeling and just crying out of the blue. I haven't cried in a while, it's been about 7 weeks since D-day, and I cried so much, I think I'm just out of tears. <P>And even if you are the WS, I can understand your pain also. I take it you and your wife are seperated. Fortunately (I think), I didn't have to deal with that, though sometimes having to deal with him at home was probably just as bad. <P>Use this time to work on you. Make you the best you can be inside, so when your W is ready to take a look, she will see all the changes for the positive, and may be willing to test the waters again.
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206 |
The tears need to flow - that's how I explain it and yes, I totally relate to driving home and just starting to cry out of the blue.<BR>That happens less frequently now for me (in recovery for 5 mos now) and I'm starting to focus more on how to be better, stronger and more aware. The tears happen from time to time now - and that's ok.<BR>
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 248
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 248 |
Alberta, and PamO, thanks for your responding. I am the BS, In a matter of speaking, but feel I did a perfect job of making my wife feel like I cared about everything else but her. D day is November 20th. I am too aware of how many days are left. I was told I didn't have to come if I didn't want too. I said I needed to. I keep waiting for her to change her mind. She seems to be warming to me, so I don't push her. I have continued to put nice greeting cards in with her mail. I drop off cards for her with other things I send home with her.
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