I don't know how to trust my H again. The very first affair he had was during my 2nd prenancy. He went out with his ex. I managed to stop them (a big fight/quarrel with my H) from seeing each other after they dated a few times. This was 4 years ago. After that, we had moved to a new environment so said a new "life". After two years, he started again. He started to send a female collegue home everyday but the problem is he will stay with her for another 2 or 3 hours. I heard news from other wives to call me to be aware of that woman. That's how I found out his "affair". Of course, another fight broke out. Just when I wanted to trust him again and he let me drop back to square 1. Once again, I stopped them just in time??!! I am not sure. Recently, we moved back to our homeland. With a pure thought of buying a computer for my kid to do his school project, we applied for internet. Never do I realize this is another mistakes in my life. H is addicted to internet chatting line. At first I thought no harm done. Then one day, when I scan through the e-mail (he gave me password so that I could check on him. I became very uptight to his every moves. I checked his things/belongings just so I am sure he is not doing anything behind me again; just so I could believe him one more time) I saw a lady replied him without erasing the original mail. He has asked the lady out to have some "fun" in a hotel. My heart really hurts. He has promised me never to leave any contacts to his chatters. He outplay my trust again. I left with my kids (away from him) for six months. During this six months, he do all kind of things to persuade me to go back to his side. Once again, my heart softens because I really love him and my thinking is my kids need both him and me. Since he is working so hard to get us back to his side, he should realize the importance of a family and us to him. Never will I know he still play on the chatting line behind me, this time he erased all the temp files and history from the explorer. I just found a long list of girls' telephone number from his working suit's pocket. He told me that was from very long time ago. I know better because I (using another nickname)entered (a week ago) into the chat line in my office and manage to find him in the net. He keep on pestering for my phone and told the girl that he can't disclose his because his wife is checking on him. And of course asking to have "fun" in hotel again. (The phone number I gave to him is on the list too. But he never call me up [I used my friend's number]). He even alter the last digit of the number so that I couldn't call up any of them.(anyway I got no energy to do this) I really at a loss and do not know what to do now. How do I trust him again knowing he keep on lying to me?? I am very tired of searching his belongings just so I feel more secure with him (when I can't find anything wrong). Anyway he is getting better in hiding all the "evidence" too. The reason I stay with him is beside all these trashy things, he is always very good to me and the kids. He used his working hours to "play". When I am at home, he always at home with us. My sister-in-law said H just want to find people to chat but not going bed with them. I wanted to believe her words but why did he mention "fun in hotel" if he just wanted a pure chatting. Any advice for me is very much appreciated.
