I have been married for 14 yrs and we have a 13 yrs and a 9 yr old. I have never cheated on my wife till last June. Im 37 yrs old and my wife is 40th. In September 1999 I told my wife that I had hit a plateu in our relationship and that I didnt know in which direction I was going. I became distant from her not knowing what I really wanted. She suffer a lot when I did not come home cuz I would stay at work to sleep after 12 hours of nigh shift. This past June I meet a young female that liked me and we went out 5 to 6 times. We had sex one time at which time I felt weird and guilty about it. I told her that I was married with kids and that I wanted out of the relationship because I loved my wife. Bottom line is that I was foolish to get involved when what i was really looking for was at my house the whole time. During this period of time my wife meet a young 27 yr guy, who she says gave her the attention she needed. But that nothing ever happend. Well I foud out that she went to pick him up at the pier since he is in the navy, I saw her ther that day with him and I saw her kissing him one time in the lips. I approached them and they were bth surprise to see me there.He left and and Me and her talked for a log time. She says that she doesnt love him and that they both know that there is no future in their relationship. I told her about y situation and that it have been over for the last 3 months. At this point I want to work things out between me and her because i love her I also know that this was my fault for not paying attetion to her needs. She feels that she fell out of love with me due to wht I put her thru this last year, and that she doesnt want to hurt like that anymore so in short she doesnt feel like working things out between us.I set up and appointment with a counselor ad during the session while I was talking what I did she walked out of the room. I set up a second apointment and I have plans to go to a marriage retrival with Retrouvaille. During this past few days we had made love few times but she cclaims that was only sex and nothing more. I want to work out my marriage with her but she is not sure. What else could I do to make it better? I would apreciate any commetns and or suggestions thanks

Buy the book called Divorce Busters, and ask her to read it, especially the first few chapters. It describes the common reasons that people want to divorce, and among them are the usual "I don't love you anymore", "We are different now", "I don't feel the same", etc. I find it does an excellent job of shedding some light on marriage, divorce, the effects on children regardless of their age.<P>You could also get His Needs/Her Needs, and Surviving An Affair (SAA) from this site. All these three books are excellent. Marriages are not magical, and love isn't magical. Love is not natural, and isn't just a force of nature that is there or it isn't. Marriages must be worked on, and nurtured, and too many people don't do what is necessary to have a happy marriage. The premise in the Divorce Busters and His Needs/Her Needs books is that if you meet each others needs, the love will come back, and it will be a better love. The butterflies thing is not what forever love is.<P>Read about Plan A on this site, and Emotional Needs (EN), and start doing Plan A, and meeting her ENs. She can't help but react positively if you are changing and inflicting positive things into the marriage. If you have questions on Plan A, just ask.<P>Someone can fall out of love, but they can fall back in love. You'll read that in the books. Maybe if you Plan A for awhile, you can then get her into the books to learn herself.<P>60% of second marriages end in divorce, thats higher than 1st marriages. Why? Because people take their baggage and lack of knowledge on how to make marriage work with them, thinking a new spouse is the answer. Doesn't generally work like that. She needs to work with you on your marriage, not leave. However, it might be just you that thinks that way now, so Plan A is the answer right now.<BR>