I just found out friday that my wife is having an affair. I had my suspitions and was in denial for months. Finally I borrowed a friends car and followed them. It was the most gut wrenching thing I have ever had to do. We entered marriage counceling yesterday. I never thought I would stay if I caught her with someone else. I have found that I can't leave. I just love her too much. I always thought that would never happen to me. We were High School Sweethearts. Went through college together. My life is devestated. I have severe depression that is being treated by anti-depressants. Which at first was a real embarrasment until I did reasearch. What do I do now? I think she loves him. sould I leave? should I stay? If its is something that she needs help with how could I live with myself if I left when she needed me the most? I LOVE HER with all of my heart. I think I can forgive her. But I don't know that. HELP PLEASE

Believe me I know exactly what you're going through, I'm there also. I so in love with my Hubby too, I'm trying to forgive him and it's gets so hard sometime for me, cause I just can't understand what made him do this. Sometimes I just want to scream and cry and sometimes I just want to hold him close, when love intervnes its so hard to give up on what you have. I can't tell you what to do, but your heart will guide you in the right direction, and seek God's guidance. Some of the people on here really can tell you what you need to hear and others who hasn't experience it, well you know. I know this probaly didn't help you any but, I just want you to know it happen to me too. If you believe you can forgive her that's a good sign that the two of you can probably work it out<P>

Hurt,<BR>Welcome, you came to the right place, I’m fairly new here myself, I have found this site to be a great help, it is somehow comforting to know you’re not alone. I think most people share your feelings that they thought they would never stay if their spouse became wayward, the truth as you’re finding is that it’s not that cut and dry. What do you do now? Learn as much as you can about infidelity. You’ve already been to a counselor that’s great, you’re on the right road. Spend some time looking around site, NSR will give you some pointed topics to look over. One of the most valuable things I learned here are what we call “Lbing” love busting, and the, hows and whys, not to do it. It’s a good concept to learn right away. I thank the lord I learned of it before I completely drove the “WW” away. Additionally, you may find some help in the book "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carder. It will offer some great insight into what is going on in your life, how these things happen, what part we took in letting things get to this, and yes even how they can be overcome. It has greatly helped me overcome the gut wrenching feelings your having right now. Should you stay or should you go is something that you will individually have to decide. My only advice is to learn as much as you can about infidelity and why it happens before making that decision. Melinda is absolutely right, if you want to forgive you can. “I don’t really like the term forgive but it’s all we have” There are folks here that are over 2 years into this and have offered us great hope that it can be overcome. This is what I can offer, I’m sure others will add to it. Our thoughts are with you.<BR>

Welcome <B>confused/hurt</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P><B>What do I do now?...</B><BR>Continue with counseling... and evaluate it's progress... if it's not helping...I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P><B>I think she loves him. sould I leave?</B>...<BR>NO NO NO NO NO NO...<BR>NO NO NO NO NO NO...<BR>NO NO NO NO NO NO...<BR>NO NO NO NO NO NO...<BR>...and if your missed it... <B>NO</B>!<P><B>should I stay?</B>...<BR>YES!<P><B>I think I can forgive her. But I don't know that....</B><BR>...check out the following...<P><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A> and <A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P>-----------------------------------------<P>Do read through my <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post...<P>...and start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...see <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>... and do it blindly at first.<P>I hope your current counselor is on track with MB concepts.<P> <P>Jim