I believe that it is the right thing to do and therefore, must go through with it. My H says he doesn't remember much and i got questions that I know she should be able to answer, since this did involve her also. If she doesn't get to scared to come and talk. I know people can't understand what I could possibly hope to get it more pain.. well, to me the pain I have came from someone I love dearly and it's not her, so I'm okay with it.<P>Just Feel Like It's Right!

Melinda,<P>I understand your need to confront the OW.<P>I would suggest though, that whatever she tells you, take with a POUND of salt. There is a really good chance that she will lie, embellish, whatever you want to call it. <P>I know it sounds insane, but she's probably ticked that H chose to stay with you, and feels you stole "her" man, so needs a bit of revenge against you.<P>Just be careful.

Melinda,<P>I have been trying to recover from my H's A for the past 7 months now, I can't seem to get any answers, healing seems impossible for me. He can't remember any details at all. I have been having really strong feelings and thoughts about confronting the OW. If you wouldn't mind I would like to know how your experience went. Would I be wasting my time? I feel I can't move on to the "better" until I know, until I have the answers. Please give me some advice or anyone else that has expereinced this sort of thing. <P>Thanks!

Melinda,<P>Just a few thoughts...<P>Pam is very correct in saying that the OW will lie...<BR>...to her ...YOU are the OW<BR>...and a life long enemy.<P>There is nothing for her to gain by telling you any truth.<P>...and...<P>your eventual goal is recovery... right?!<BR>to get to a <I>good</I> recovery... there are the steps of forgiveness and forgetting...<BR>...forgiveness could be a simple step...<BR>...forgetting is always much harder...<BR>...why make yourself have more to forget?!<P>...find peace in a better you...<P>...let the "historic" honesty of the MB concepts take its course.<P>You have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

Please do not talk to the OW because they will only lie, especially the rejected ones.<P>The witch OW had many faces and she told everyone different things all the time. My father was hospitalised because of her screaming and revealing aspects of her sordidness. He passed on soon after. We all had various versions as and when it suited the witch and as and when her moods and vengence take her. <P>Why would you think she will tell you the truth? If you want the truth, you need to ask your H. It won't be easy because they all come down with memory loss. I battle long and hard and still it took so long for any details to surface. Finally, slashed the portrait painting, threw him out, and he has agreed to go to a counsellor and also to tell me the truth. I have a vivid and over active imagination because of gift and training so I needed him to help me with the boundaries. My case is particularly twisted and the premise that WS used was a TRAP adultery situation where blackmail and sexual harrassment and others were used to keep the A going despite his not wanting the ugly evil piece of sh*t (as said by WS). <P>So, in a great way, I needed to know.<P>Anyhow, further to your post, I believe that you are quite recent into the discovery and NSR's post will come in very handy as you battle the conflicting emotions within. You will be plunged into depths of depression, wallowing in 'why mes', angry at the world, but please seek support from family and friends and strength from God above. Your H needs to go to counselling with you to address the issues of communications, trust, acceptable boundaries of behaviour, etc.. No OW will be hoping you get well and rebuild what they had so wanted to destroy.<P>I do have bouts of wanting to answer the calls that the witch obssessively make to me without a single break (the phone kept ringing nonstop). The witch also left messages to bait and taunt me and it took a lot of prayers and well meaning friends to help me see the light.<P>If you want vengence, ask the Lord to deliver swift justice because vengence is the Lord's. <P>