I have been emailing the OW And she forward my H. emails to me. She did not know he was married, and now she emails me. I don't know how much I can trust her, and if I should. My H. lied and said he had stopped emailing her, but when confronted, he said he did not want to talk about it. Now, he wants to make plans this weekend, and comes over to do laundry, watches the kids, wants me to buy groceries, and acts like we are just friends. The OW has forwarded everything to me, and all my communications with H. I have forwarded to her. My problem is, even after Plan A and distance, how can I let him go? How can I begin to heal? OW and H., how can I let go and start healing myself? There are days when all I want to do is pretend it never happened, and other days, all I want is for him to leave me alone. I feel like I am in a limbo. Not knowing the next step, where to go from here, do I have the right to demand anything from H. Do I have the right to ask him about OW? Do I have the right to ask him for answers? Do I have the right to ask him if he is still in love with OW? Do I have the right to set the rules? I just don't know, and I need guidence. I am his wife, yet he tells me he doesn't want to talk about it, that he isn't ready. But 9/18/00 was the d-day, when will h. be ready? I can't think clearly, I feel mislead, and so lost. I don't think I can take much more. If I had no children, I would go away for a weekend and just meditate, and pray, but now what do I do? I don't want to force him, but I don't want to live in this limbo for ever. Can some one please pray for me, and respond? I feel so alone, unloved, unwanted, and depressed. Please, some one, help me-gn

snuggler,<P>My number one reccomendation would be to stop corresponding with the OW. That has got to add to the stress in your life. What will she tell you that you don't already know other than details that will leave your mind filled with images that are hard to ignore. Why should you trust in her? Concentrate on your marriage. If you want your H, then put your energy into Plan A. Has he shown any signs as to what he wants? Tell him your feelings for him. Tell him what you expect from the marriage. Do this in a NON LBing way. Let someone take the kids for a half day or for the day and do something nice and quiet for yourself. Take a time out to sort through things. Pray for God to life you out of this. Claim your marriage everyday. I'll do the same for you.<P>cleo

Hi snuggle,<P>Wondered how you were. I agree w/cleo, stop contact w/ OW. I'm not sure of her intentions. I couldnt in my sane mind contact the OW. I'd be too angry so I don't know how you do it. Your D-Day was just about a month ago so it will take time. Your H is in the fog. Follow the recommendation as non LB as you can discuss w/ husband how you feel. Do it when you feel the time is right for you. My D-Day was in August and my H is still in the fog, but I'm hanging in there. So you do the same. Can you take time for yourself? Can H sit w/ the kids ? Give it a shot! Ask your counselor, if you are seeing one, what to do in terms of dealing w/ H. Don't despair gn, we all have/are experiencing what you're going thru. Keep praying, somehow God changes things.<P>Cheers

I have stopped all emails to OW, and deleted all letters forward to me from her from H. I thought I could protect myself, but I was wrong. I hate this feeling of not knowing what the next step should be. Tonite, H. went out to dinner with me and the children. He held my hand all the way home, and all i wanted to do was cry. Maybe I am the one in the fog. I am not sane right now. I feel as if I am on auto pilot. I just don't see how I can go on. gn

snuggler,<P>You are not insane!!! My d-day was two days before yours, I know exactly where you are. One day I love my H dearly and am 100% committed to working this out, the next I want him out of here. And then there are days when I literally go back and forth every few minutes.<P>Your mind and your heart are still in shock. Are you in counseling? It helps so much to have that unbiased person to help you through this. Also, have you thought about anti-depressants? It really does help, but they take time to kick in.<P>It will take time for your H to be able to talk about this. I know that absolutely stinks, and it is sooo not fair. I think part of it is because they feel so guilty about what they have done that they simply can't face it.<P>I will pray for you. Please do not be so hard on yourself as to how you are dealing with this. This is not your fault. It is not something you did, it is something that was done to you.

PamO is probably right that he feels so guilty he just doesn’t want to discuss it. “He held your hand all the way home.” Take it from a guy he is feeling guilty and afraid to talk about it only to hurt you more. Maybe the more you dig into details the more he shuts down. I know there is an unexplainable need to find out the details, I am the FS of a PA. I learned in one sit down that the details are devastating. Every detail cut at me, hurt me, made me wince and left me feeling hollow. Then worst of all they made me angry and forced me to LB. Well I stopped asking. I decided that if I was going to make this work I had to. I know it happened, she knows it happened what more do I need to know. The details were killing us. <P>Once I realized this I started on the important issue, “What made it happen?” I disagree that this is not our fault, while it is true we didn’t get any say in the actual act of the A, We did have a role in why it could take place, IMO to the tune of 50% or more. After seeing this I started to share in the guilt, how could I drive her to this? How could I let it happen? The key word here is I. Yes “I” needed to ask her for forgiveness also. The day this dawned on me is the day I knew we would make it. I hate the fact that this happened, but I am closer to my W in just 2 weeks than we have been in years. I apologize to her daily and she returns with like sentiment. Just yesterday I wrote her a letter telling how I felt, what I was sorry about, happy about, afraid of etc.<BR>“What now ?” you ask, “you don’t know if you can go on.” You’re here you’ve made those decision already. Snugglermi, don’t fall into a pit! , snap out of it. Take control of your situation, learn from it and make something wonderful of this mess. If you sit and wait for him to come to his senses you may be going in circles for a long time. I’ve read what you’ve been through in your life. You’re a strong and enduring person, not loser and certainly no quitter. The lord has walked with you through many struggles in your life. Lean on him again, he’ll be there and this time we’ll be here too, YOU CAN DO IT.<BR>