Since I confronted my wife about a week ago about chatting to the OM for the second time, I talked to Harley. He said confronting her was OK as long as I did it nicely and didn't LB. I'm trying to keep things good and calm around the house. Trying to be nice and considerate without going overboard and looking like I'm kissing butt! I like keeping her happy, but I wonder if she is taking advantage of my niceness. She wants me to be happy and not depressed, but I know (I guess feel) she still contacts the OM because she contacts him from her e-mail at work which I can't get into.<P>I don't know how often she contacts him, but my mind runs wild and probably my thinking makes things worse for me.<P>She did ask me what Harley said to me on my Monday counseling session. I didn't have a lot to say because it was mainly that he wants me to work on myself more and show her a good time and not lecture her about the OM and I had to fill Harley in on the stuff that was going on for the last 2 weeks.<P>Oh, did I not tell you that a day or two after the confrontation, I blew up and told her that I thought the OM was the worse most vile piece of #*$% on this earth and that her feelings for the OM was BS. NOT GOOD, MAJOR LB. Harley said I CAN NOT talk about the OM that way!! Probably best not to talk about him at all! It was a set back I know.<P>It sucks because I know we have these problems, but we walk around the house like nothing is wrong, were friends, have a happy smile or whatever!!!! I want my wife back from where ever her mind is and I want and need her affection and admiration!!!!<P>I Love her so much it hurts!! <P>I'll write later!!!

I kow how you feel. I just don't know if my W is still emailing the OM, and I don't want to snoop and find out, in case she is. If I do snoop and find out she is, then confront her, that will raise her anger against me again, and I don't want that. On the other hand, how can I succeeed with plan A if she is still in contact?<P>Yeah, sometimes around the house everything seems OK, but my attempts to inject a little bit more affection (touching in passing etc)<BR>have so far gone unnoticed, or at least unappreciated and unreciprocated. Still, it's early days yet, only 4 days since d-day. I know now this could go on for weeks or months, but, like you ihurt, I love her so much. I'm determined for us to be lovers again, even it takes the rest of my life to achieve it!

To vent is good...<P>I just found out my H is consorting with OW on the net again. I feel very hurt by this as well. When we talk he says he has stopped, then I find out he hasn't. I'm not too sure what to do at this point. I am so hurt and devastated. I have cold clammy hands and I feel like throwing up. I did the one thing I shouldn't have done, Snoop. See, now I found something out that has deeply destroyed any hopes of making this work. I do not know if I should confront him. I wrote him a letter that states my concerns and that asks for separation. I have been thinking about it for a long time now and it seems that this is all that I can take. Two nights ago he assured me that I was the only one. The one he loves and he doesn't need those OW. It really really hurts to know they have feeling towards others when we are right here in front of them. I want to get over this pain and I believe at this point my only choice is to separate. <P>BJ<p>[This message has been edited by 2Bornot2B (edited November 09, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ihurt:<BR>[B] I want my wife back from where ever her mind is and I want and need her affection and admiration!!!!<BR>B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Now that statement just about covers it in a nutshell ! keep that thought in mind.<P><I>"I'm a pessimist out of intelligence, but an optimist out of will."</I> <BR>

The best thing for you to do now is definetly work on yourself. Be patient and answers will come with time. Try not to LB it could cause so much pain if you continue saying things that hurt each other etc. This all takes time and keep being the best you that you can and eventually your wife will come out of the fog.

Man do I know what you are going through! It has been 2 weeks since D-Day for me. All I wanted to do was talk about what she feels. I am now conviced she doesn't know. Our marriage counicler told me to be patient. I guess that is my advice to you. I know it is hard. I hope I can do it myself. My W is still in contact with the OM. They work together. she sees him every day and they talk. I am reading a book called Seeing the unseen it really explains what is going on. It is a little harsh on evil forces. It took me some time to swallow. but the further I read the better it gets. have her read it. And PRAY that is what has kept me afloat.<P>I guess what I want you to know is there are alot of us out there. It sure helps me that I am not alone. Good Luck and God bless!