Well this is my first time on here and I am not sure what i'm going to write but I think this is a start to let everything out. I started several months ago to explore the internet which is fairly new to me, well not anymore. I discovered chat rooms and well that is the biggest problem in my life. At first it all seemd so inocent and fun but the more I did it the more I wanted to do. And I always prided myself on not being addicted to anything. As time went on and hiding my chatting from everyone around me I though that if no one knows about it than everything would be ok. Well I was wrong and I can admit that I was wrong. Then one day I was chatting with with this girl who instant messaged me, I didn't know her, never meet her but she told me things I liked hearing like I like your name, I like you and so on. Well after a hour or so of tallking she seemed very cool. The next day I I.M.'ed her and then it happened. I got caught by my wife, she was the other women pretending to be someone else. I didn't know what to do. I had feelings of anger for her to spy on me, I had feelins of guilt which is the worst feeling in the world because my wife is my bestfriend. She might not thing so at this time but she is. Well what was I to do? How was I to lie out of this one, well I just made promises to her that I would never do it again and you know what happened? Yes thats right I did it again and I lied about it again. I am not sure how it got this far but I do know that it must stop. I must not say I'll stop tomarrow but I must stop today. This my first step to stop the lying and the chatting. I hope that my wife still cares for me to not leave me. God knows I do truely love her more than anything. Well this is all for today. I'm sure I'll be looking forward to hearing your response to my problems.

soulman. you only got what you asked for, this is infedelity in a way and just to make your ego feel better you dabbled with something you were not able for.<P>As someone who is hurting I can only admire your wife for suspecting your childish beviour and dealing with it.<P>Now that you have had your telling off, I do hope you can get her trust back but it is up to you to convince her. I would start by trying to get a block on access to chat lines and giving her the opportunity to hold the code to access the web on your machine.<P>I do wish you luck and hope you have learned by this<P>------------------<BR>karen

Soulman: I am not here to judge you, or misguide you, all I can do is speak from experience. This is what I have to offer you. My H. has an email affair going on and I caught him by hacking in his email and finding his OW love letters and feeling completely devastating, and I hope that I never have to deal with this again. I am at work, and when I leave and go home, and get on line I will post more, and hopefully help you win your wife back. good luck -gn

Soulman,<BR>As the W of porn addicted WS I can vouch for the kind of pain that you have caused your W. You need to first of all become accountable to her and give her all email usernames and passwords as well as install programs that record all your comings and goings on the internet. Better off get rid of your computer so that it isn't a temptation for you anylonger.<BR>Then you need to addmit what you are involved in is damaging your marriage and seek help in whatever way possible. Counseling for sexual addiction so that your wife knows you are serious about getting better and making your marriage work.<BR>Most importantly communicate. Let her know how this all began and confess it to her so she has the opportunity to forgive you. If you are serious about working things out then take the neccesary steps. <BR>I only wish my H had. It would have saved me a lot of pain from a PA/EA that began from looking to searching etc. Good luck.<BR>Sillyme

Chat rooms are dangerous, aren't they?<P>People end up in your position for two reasons that I know of...<P>1) They become addicted. If you truly cannot stop, look into this...there are resources on the web and elsewhere that deal with this growing problem I think netaddiction.com is one.<P>2) They are lonely and missing something. When my H was not meeting many of my emotional needs, I briefly found chatting looking pretty good. Luckily, I realised I was not truly interested in that virtual person or situation...but I was missing conversation and appreciation from my preoccupied H. If you think this is your case, do not blame her, but DO talk together about what you are missing in your marriage and what you can do, together, about it.<P>Take care--<P>Kathi

Well thanks to all that posted and offered some options for me. I know that I have to quit playing on the internet. I have a job that some days there is nothing for me to do so I started to surf the web. First I started by just looking at some pics then more hard core pics and then started to look for chat rooms and then I stared to get into stocks so I would spen alot of time watching the stock market. The way I would start my day was get to work and start my computer then check my voice mail while the computer starts. To day was the first day in a long time that I did everything that I had to do before I came in here to read my replies. It feels good. To make a start I got rid of all my instant messangers on my computer at work, I am tunminating all old email accounts and after I'm done with this reply am going to turn my computer off. I know this is not the answer but it is a start. I do love my wife more than my words can tell her. I know that I must show her everyday of my life. And I must get the same back in return. Sometimes life just doesn't seem to work out but in the end it does if you can be truthful to yourself and to the ones you love. It feels great to let all of this out on people that I don't even know. But I truly thank you for reading it and responding to it. My life has not been the easiest to live but I have to say I wasn't horrible. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stonger and I feel that is so true right now. I feel stronger today than I have I along time. I just hope that I can stay stong through out this process to stop hidding the chatting. I have to admit that atfirst it was all pretty exciting but now it has lost it excitement but I haven't lost my love for my wife. I look at this as a plus on my side. Well for now I will stop rambling on and on and hope to see some more helpful responses. PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL ESPECIALLY MY WIFE.<P>------------------<BR>SOULMAN

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by soulman:<BR><B> PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL ESPECIALLY MY WIFE.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>ditto

soulman,<P>Hey dude. What's happening? I read and fully understand what you are up against. I hope you have read some of my earlier posts about how I discovered my addiction and how I am learning more everyday how to get out and stay out. It's a tough road man. But, I have found the payoff to be extremely high! I do not have that loneliness that drives me there anymore. Sure it comes around from time to time and I realize that being lonely is a big problem for me. Last night I cried myself to sleep thinking about pain from my childhood, pain from not really knowing my father and other things. I also could feel the urge to go turn on the computer and surf. But, I tried to do the right thing and I told my wife I was feeling lonely and disconnected. Later after she fell asleep all these lonely feelings came rushing into my head and I realized how loneliness and sexual urge play together. Maybe that was a bad choice of words.<P>Hey, don't think your flavor of addiction is any worse than any other form. It's all bad and addiction's goal is to bring you and your marriage down to the pit! Hang in there.<P>Email if you like ba_matthews@yahoo.com<p>[This message has been edited by Dogbert (edited November 14, 2000).]

Hey soulman. <P>Where have you been, man?

Soulman,<P>My suggestion is to sit down and have a heart to heart--with eye contact with your wife. Nothing works like honesty and good communication--give it a try and I think if you both work hard and want to you can get through this.

Hey, Soulman, are YOU my H? My H had a lot of time on his hands and he was/is addicted to internet porn and chat rooms. I was so hurt when I found he was in a chatroom called "married and flirting" and he also subscribed to internet personal ads. He had a folder set up in a secret e-mail called "my desire" where all the personal ads were delivered to. I'll never ever forget that. I believe all that is phoney and in internet space is his true desire - not me.<P>I wish you all the luck and I hope your wife is better than me with her resentments. I'm very bitter at the moment. I just can't understand how a person would rather have cyber sex when a warm caring woman is waiting in the next room. Maybe I should get my H a blow up doll for Christmas and let him know exactly what to do with it!!<P>

Did you end up leaving your spouse. My spouse has been into porn since he was in high school, and I just found out about a year and a half ago. We have never had a good sex life, and after 13 years of marriage and my self esteem is so low. I dont think I can ever love him again.<BR>Any advice?

I am still with my H. Right now I don't see it much just an occassional porno movie on tv. I think most of his internet activities are done at work so I'll never see the full extent. <P>Time will tell...<P>