I'm ready to give up!!!! I have done every thing I know to do to support this man, emotionaly, financially, and physically, yet he turns to the OW every night, then expects me to share my bed! I am the biggest fool in the world to believe he would notice the changes in me and accept me. NO, Instead he doesn't tell where he is living, expects me to tell him every thing in my life, time schedules, places I am going, people I am talking to, yet when I ask him, I get told I have the biggest guilty conscience he has ever seen. What am I doing wrong? I give him free access to my house, my car, the kids, me daily. Yet every night he leaves, and I haven't a clue as to where he is going. I am so tired, I am so tired that I feel like just crawling in bed and never getting out of it again. I am so tired of the battle. Why do I keep trying to show him how much I love him? Why I am trying so hard? Is he worth it? Is he worth my nights of crying, my nights of pain and distress? What if he has another girl in another town, and he is laughing at me behind my back. All these what ifs!?!!! These are my demons. SHould I follow him one night and find out? SHould I just tell him that if he can't tell me about his life, I have no reason to share with him about mine? Can this marriage be saved, am I just wanting something so bad, that I can't see him in the right light? Should I just give up? Help me, please. Because right now, all I can do is cry and cry and cry, and think I am all alone and that I am not going to survive this. I am not sure I want to-gn

Dear gn,<P>If you know me, you would know that I am not the Plan A type post A because I planned A (didn't know the word but got such concepts from books, the bible and church couples) throughout the marriage.<P>I feel to stay in such a situation is very abusive and painful. Some men are what you call 'cakeman', having and eating the cake at the same time and will not give up such a double life. I don't know where you are with regards to your counselling and joint counselling. But you need to get support and face the reality of the issues with your H or it will never be solved. You can pray that your H sees the errors of his ways and that God's will be done in his life. And pray for hedges of protection to surround you and your marriage and husband so that no lover gets to him and vice versa.<P>I believe that it is often in a storm that you hear God's voice, and because we are so finite in our power to change others and situations much of the time, I would surrender my problems and WS to God and ask God to soften his heart through God's grace and mercy.<P>God help you<BR>take care<BR>weep

Weep-- I hear your words in my head, but it is the battle in my heart that I can't seem to ease. I feel lost, disoriented, rejected, and useless. I am not sure if this is what is suppose to happen, or if I am wanting so badly to be with my H. that I live in the pain just to be near him. I know this is not healthy, I know this is bad, yet HOW do I break the cycle? HOW do I get out? How Do I save me? gn

Dear gn,<P>There is Plan B, and you can go search and type NSR, and Plan B. There are MBers who have activated Plan B by writing a letter to their WS to have a trial separation so as to jot their WS out of the fog. I am not an expert in this area so you would need to go to PLAN A/PLan B forum and the Harleys concepts on this site.<P>I am very sorry and I know the feelings you have because our lives are so topsy turvy sometimes you wonder if you are alive, let alone living. But we need to get help and pray and discuss the issues with our spouses in order to have an honest and fulfilling marriage. Please let out your feelings and cry out to God, sob out your misery and your undeserved hurts. <P>Please also find a person - church pastor and /or a friend - to be encouraged by as well. It is not easy but you need to be a strong person later for your children because this is going to make you a stronger person, you will be different and you will get more out of life because you will have a new mindset after this storm. For me, I realised that life really is about reaching the potential that God has for you and to live His will and be so free of the cr*p of this world that I can really bow down and Worship Him because God Loves me.<P>God Loves you<BR>take care<BR>weep

Weep is right God loves you! That is the only place I have found comfort. That and my Mom. Do you have a family member you can trust? Be strong. There are alot of us out here in the same boat. I know that doesn't tell you what to do. I wish I could tell you. I just know to trust in God and ask him to take care of this problem for you because it is too big for you to handle alone. I did that and the gut wrenching pain started to subside. I am no holy roller. just an average guy. but it helped me tremedously. <P>I found out my wife was having an affair 2 weeks ago. she says its over I don't know if I can believe her. so I know how you feel. It is hard. I just now quit crying. time will heal. Good luck and God bless you!

I did reach out to my church and my pastor. I have found them the day after d-day. But some times this battle seems to be mine alone. My family HATE my husband, and daily encourage me to dump him and move on. My church is praying for the battle between Satan and my Husband will be successful, with my Husband turning to GOD. My battle seems to be old, tiring, and some times I become so discouraged that i can't think of anything except getting my pain to ease. I know that I can expect more pain, but for a few days/hours/minutes of peace I would pray an eternity for. My children think I am a monster one moment, then I burst into tears and apologize for my bad temper. THen I do it five minutes later again! I get scared, and I get worried that GOd won't answer the way I am hoping for. I am not sure If my husband understands the war I am having inside my heart. He tells me he won't be jerked around emotionally. Yet, again, he seems to be over looking my feelings, and my roller coaster of emotions. I have the papers for the divorce, filled out, ready to go, but I can't seem to find my heart for the next step. I don't know what to do now, and I will pray to find out, to wait and listen for God's answers -gn