I just found out that my H. has a new email address. He has been emailing the OW for almost a year now. I can't take this. I am done with the battle. I have divorce papers filled out, ready to be filed. I am to tired to go on. He just added another nail to my heart, and he thinks I should just sit back and take it. Why? Why? All I did was love this man completely mind, heart and soul, and I feel as if I just found out again. I quit. I can't handle this any more. I just need to go some where and cry and be alone, and not and not care. But where? How? I feel, I just don't feel anything but pain. I give up. I give up on everything, including life.

Hi, I know what you are going through and as you have replied to my message you know the sad old story of my relationship, yes you must weep and wail, god knows i have done it, I think the crying gets less and less each time but feel it is something in the healing process that makes me do it. Self preservation for you is a priority and if that means taking yourself somewhere to be on your own then do it, if it means having a friend to take all you through at them then do that also, I have found that one works great, and believe it or not a close friend will not mind and will feel priveliged in a way to have been allowed so near to you.<P>Men, eh? what some mothers do there offspring beggers belief really, he thinks he can walk on water and as far as mummy is concerned he can, well let me tell you only one person walked on water and he is dead. Sorry to all men out there who are suffering also but I needed to dump that somewhere and you have got it.<P>take care, love and hugs<P>karen<P>------------------<BR>karen

I can definatley understand how you two are feeling...I'm sorry but I feel that way about women right now. All I wanted was some-one to love and love me back. I thought I had that,,,but I was floored to find out otherwise. I know in my heart that I would not make my W feel the way she makes me feel. I really believe now..that we can love too much..(in my case anyway). If they know it they think "they" can get away with anything. This may just be the way I'm feeling but you know what?. I'm only worrying about the things I have control over now and I know that I need to take care of myself first, and I hope you will do the same. People who do this to some-one they love in my opinion "are not worth the pain".I don't mean to sound negative but I'm still in a great deal of pain as well. I do believe there is life afterwards but it may take a while. I felt like life wasn't worth living either but I don't feel that way now. I think that God doesn't give us more to deal with than we can handle. I am so sorry for the pain you are going through, no-one should have to go through this. I wish you all the best and I'll pray for you. I probably shouldn't even be replying to your post because I'm still in pain but you caught my attention ..LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!!<P><BR>God bless you,<BR>Tinman.<BR>

Snug, I’m sorry not to have been here this weekend. This is my first logon since Friday afternoon, to many commitments over the weekend. <BR> <BR>Remember, It’s ok to loose hope once in a while we all do. It’s ok that is, on everything except yourself. I know, “we all know” how worthless this battle can make us feel. But your not worthless, You have so many wonderful things to offer. To your children, your friends, your family, God, and us here on MB. I know deep down you know what is right for you, and you’ll make that decision. The decision does not have to be made today, there is no deadline. I don’t have any experience with plan B or giving up, I can’t even really consider it for fear of giving in to it, so I have nothing to offer in this path. <P>What I would like to express to you, is YOU. As hard as it is try to spend a day not dwelling on this, take a Break, it’s ok. Think back to something you enjoyed for yourself before this mess and go do it. Take the kids to a movie, to the park, anywhere. Go home tonight, lock the door, turn off the phone leave the chores and play. Get out all the sheets you have in the house and build some indoor tents with the kids and share their love, bask in their laughter and light heartedness, feel and live something beyond this. Don’t give up on life itself, Because beyond this hurt, God has a plan for you. I’m certain it is a great plan but even God needs your participation to see it through. Take a break, you need it, you deserve it.

Snug-<P>I feel for you. I am sorry you are going through this tough time. When times of despair come our way and it seems like life is not all that we would like it to be, it is best to take a step back from our problems and take a step forward in doing something for ourselves. In other words give our own lives some validity by doing things that are good for us. Nobody should have to go through the pain we all experience. We go through it because we have learned to love another human being - and that is a wonderful gift to give. What they do with it is something we cannot control. I am sorry to see that your H does not see the pain you are feeling. You have the ability to change your life for the better. Be strong and have faith in yourself. You will get through this difficult time. We will be here for you.<P>Take Care<BR>BJ

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM!!! I did as some of you suggested. I made tents and played with my kids. I went out to dinner every meal this weekend, I went and took my kids to the Zoo, then I got my hair permed, and bought some new things for my home, and I prayed, prayed, prayed. God answered me here, on MB with renewed hope, with renewed friendships. Oswald, and 2B are the best friends I could have hoped for. In my M. My h. controlled as to who were my friends and who weren't. So making new friendship seem forgien to me right now. I am working on learning to depend on myself more, and less on my emotions. I CHOSE GOD, I CHOSE MY CHILDREN, I CHOSE LIFE!!! Again, this was a better weekend, and thank you Oswald, you help repel my demons. God bless you all, and I promise to be there for you all when you need me. Oswald, for such a caring man, your wife is definetely in a fog. I know you have made mistakes, but I would jump my H.'s bones if he showered me with that much affection. 2B, same with you. Your man is not in his right mind. What a strong, competent woman you are, and one day, it will hit your H. in the gut, he has lost one terrific lady. Please post soon, you all keep me going-gn

I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. Times like these are tough and it is hard to keep going sometimes. Just keep focussed on yourself and your children at this time. Try to think about the beauty in your children and in life. Life is worth living, although at times, like these, it can be exhausting.<P>I'll pray for you that you may find some peace within this turmoil.<P>Take care<BR>

Snug-<P>Thank you for your sincere acknowlegement of our concerns for you. We all are here for the same reasons, and I believe that it is a very helpful tool to have when we are lost in our pain. I'm glad we are able to help ease the disappointment of not living the life we all want. Happiness is indeed an important part of our lives and for you to find that happiness with your children regardless of your situation with your H is a VERY GOOD step toward healing. We often take advantage of what we do have going for us when one aspect of our lives is in turmoil. You do have the power to change things for yourself. Be proud of that.<P>I'm not certain if you still want to file for divorce, but I will pray for you to have faith that no matter what happens, you will live a life of happiness. I had given up on trying to fix something that I had no control of. With that, I was ready to separate with my H. When all else had failed me, my words of concern for my H had given me some hope to look forward to a happy life with or without him. My own courage came when I gave myself and my life value and knew I could not lead a life of deception. Once I informed him of my concerns and my need for a separation, he realized what pain he has caused and what life he would like to have. My H found it in his heart to listen with kindness and love and is now willing to work on our M. <BR>With this in mind, I hope you find the strength to know that you have the power to do what makes you happy. I still do not have the Trust that I would like to give my H. Now he is working with me to build it back. I wish and pray for the same for you.<P>There is hope for a brighter tomorrow... <BR>-BJ