It has been 2 weeks since D-Day. This site has helped me tremendously. My wife had an affair with a co-worker. I caught her. She said the affair is over and I believe her I have aslo been checking up on her. She still works there because that is the only thing that will keep her mind occupied. She loves her job and is great at it. My problem is I of course still love her and want to work it out. Our counslor told me to be patient while she gets her emotions straight that is very difficult for me. I am self employed in sales and can't work because I am Deppressed. She has committed to work on it. but she has not committed that she wants to come back to me. She said our relationship hasn't been good for a while. I am the typical male I guess there were problems but I was too stupid to see. she said I wasn't there emotionally. I was I just didn't know how to show her. I am working on that with books and counciling. <P>I want to ask her to leave until she is ready is that a mistake? the reason is I think about it all day and am ready to talk when she gets home and she has been able to put it out of her mind all day and I am pushing her away. I don't know whether to hug her and show affection. When I tell her I love her she either says I love you too in a low vioce or says I know. <P>She thought I didn't love her and when I found out I would leave but know she knows I do love her and I think that confuses her. What should I do daily or what does she need to hear from me? Any advise would be greatly appriciated. <P>Thank you and good luck and God bless with your own struggles

Let me tell you. I found out on July 3rd. It will get better, my friend. I would recommend watching Oprah every Tuesday. Dr. Phil is on. The shows will help. I recommend his book, "Realtionship Repair". I just bought, "Her needs, his needs" today but it hasn't arrived. James Dobson's "Love Must be tough" Go to <A HREF="http://www.family.org" TARGET=_blank>www.family.org</A> and go to husbands/wives. Call Focus on the family, and ask to speak to a counsellor. My friend. hang in there. Fight the Depression. Again. It gets better. You can live. I KNOW. I have lived this. I wanted to die, throw up, leave, scream, etc. I did cry a lot. YOU WILL SURVIVE, but you have to decide right now to be strong and courageous. Talk to pastors. Believe me they see lots of this.

Dear Confused/hurt,<P>You are very new in this and there will be roller coaster rides along the way for a few months, tapering off to gentler slopes. I hope both you and your wife have gone into joint marital counselling. It will take a period of time before the dust settles but your wife needs to understand the repercussions of her affair. Since you still love her, then there is a lot to rebuild on and she will also be assured of this love of yours to continue to help rebuild instead of retreating into a guilt cave.<P>If you go to search and type NSR, and books, you will get a list of stuff to help you see things in perspective. My personal favourite is one given to me by my family "Forgive and forget - healing the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis B. Smedes.<P>You can visit other forums such as GQ, Recovery and Women's Bible Study (I know you are) for various perspectives to healing and restoration.<P>God bless you<BR>weep

Dear Stunned1957,<P>Sorry to impede on your thread Confused/hurt, but I just want to ask Stunned this:<P>WHy do you feel like throwing up? Last night, I couldn't sleep because I just wanted to puke whenever I see WS's form next to me in bed. I felt literally sick and wonder why I wanted to vomit? I thought I was overreacting!<P>God bless you<BR>take care<BR>weep

I can't begin to thank you for your support. I appreciate it tremendously. I am only 2 weeks in to this and have a lot to learn about forgiveness and relationships. I am eager to learn. thank you for the giudence you have shown me. It helps to hear from people going throught the same thing I am. Others just can't understand. As I learn I hope to contribute some of my finding to those who have helped me so much. <P>My only advise as of this point is to work on your relationship with God. He and this site are my saving grace.<P>Thanks again and good luck with your own situation.