Hi, <P>I am so very sorry to hear your story. I know from experience that finding something like this out is devastating. Remember that this is something that he did, something that he had to rationalize to make it ok for him to do and not something that you "made" him do. He had other options open to him other than sleep with another woman.<P>It is pretty impossible to work on a marriage when he is still having the affair. Let him know how you feel. It sounds like you want to work on it. <P>My advice would be to tell him that you would like to work on your marriage because you love him and he would have to end the contact with the OW in order for this to work. Tell him you don't feel separating is the way to go. Ask him if he will give you a set period of time without contacting the OW to give your marriage another chance. After all, a few weeks or months is nothing compared to the rest of your lives. <P>If he won't do that and wants to physically separate. Tell him not to contact you until he is ready to work on the marriage with him having no contact with the OW. Of course, if you have children you may have to include communication about the kids. <P>Tell him you love him and will be there for him and are willing to do what is necessary to make your marriage what both of you want it to be. <P>Read the information on PLAN A on this site and get some of the recommended books like Surviving An Affair.<P>I hope this has helped. I know it is very painful. You will be ok. There are probably some rough times ahead emotionally and you will need to find the strength to work your way through them. <P>After I found out about my H's Affair, I asked for a year to work on our marriage. He ended contact with the OW and reluctantly agreed. We are making progress, it is up and down and I don't know how it will turn out, but I am doing my best to make this a good marriage. If nothing else, it will make me a better person.<P>I also made an apptmt with my Dr. and she prescribed anti-anxiety(Xanax) and Anti-depressant (Celexa). This might help you. I am off the Xanax but still on the Celexa. This made a world of difference for me as I thought I was going crazy after I first found out. I also recently started counseling on my own to work on my issues about the Affair. <P>Take care of yourself. Remember this Affair is more about your H than it is about you. There are other ways to deal with dissatisfaction than to sleep with someone else. <P>Keep posting and getting help from people on this board. It really helps.
