I am 3 weeks in to this and my wife hasn't commited back to me yet. She still works the the OM and I don't believe they are still in a physical relationship. but I know they are talking which makes it impossible to start Plan A (or should I say much harder to start)<P>My question is sort of trival but I am so scared to make a wrong move at this point. We (my wife & I) are from a small gossipy town about 150 miles from where we live now. We both grew up there and know eveyone. We thought no one knew(about the affair) there but our closest relitives that we choose to tell. Then last night a friend of mine called and asked if my wife was having an affair with the peoson she is having an affair with. I quickly lied just like my wife has recently taught me to do. ha! ha! I don't know if I should tell my friends the truth. or tell my wife everyone knows. I don't want her to commit to me out of fear or guilt. And she is deppresed and it would be harder for her to know people know about what she did. <BR>I know this is not a big deal but I just want to make the least amount of mistakes as possible at this point.<BR>Any advise or comments would be greatly appriciated.<BR>Thank You For Your Continued Support!

Tell your wife. You don’t have to give anyone else information you do not want to share. But why hide anything from her. Isn’t that what she did to you? Don’t rub it in her face but she should know everything that happens in your life, just as you should in hers.<P>Now I have a question for you. Do you feel better knowing people know about this? The reason I ask is to date this ugly little secret I'm living is between me, W and OM. I'm just a bit curious how it makes you feel.<BR>

1. be honest with your spouse... Always...<P>2. Start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>...<BR>...by talking to your W and brain storming through a solution to the problem of "others finding out"!<P> <P>Jim<BR>

Thank you for your replys.<BR>Oswald, Yes it makes me feel good that other people know. I can't put my finger on why just yet. One reason I think is I don't have to hide the truth from them. And they are better equiped to help me. <P>I am afriad another reason is to make her feel bad about what she has done and hopefully it will jolt her out of her fog. <P>I am just so confused hence the name confused/hurt. It helps to hear from you all. What a support group. I hope to be helping you as well soon. I just don't think I am ready to give advise.<P>Thanks again for you support!