I have never posted anything on the web before, but I have got to talk to somebody. Recently, I found out my H of 8 years has been having an emotional affair with a co-worker. He swears they have done nothing sexual with one another except for a kiss. To make this short, my husband began pulling away from me. No kisses, no holding hands, no touching. I had no idea. I honestly felt we had the PERFECT marriage. Never in a thousand years would I have thought he would do this to me. It all started when we were away on vacation. Jokingly I asked him, "What is wrong with you are you having an affair?" His reaction startled me. He finally admitted he had been "talking" to a co-worker. She was a friend, someone he could talk to. Immediately, I blamed myself, and I do believe part of this ordeal is my fault, but I soon found out he felt as if he couldn't communicate with me. It has been 5 weeks now since I discovered the relationship. He STILL doesn't know what he wants. I haven't told anyone because I am scared if everything does work out, people will hold it against him. I have told him I forgive him, but he feels he is in too deep with the other woman. He doesn't know how he feels about me anymore. I need help desperately. I have tried everything- making him a candlelight dinner, being alone with him without the kids, doing things he enjoys, and even sex. I don't know what else I can do. He says he is trying to get over her, yet they are still talking at work and on his cell phone. What should I do? I can't stand the thoughts of him leaving me and especially the thoughts of him leaving our children. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Dear dying,<P>Welcome to MB. You will find a lot of information here. I would strongly recommend that you read up on Plan A. It can be found on this site. I very good place to find more information is by finding NSR's General greeting post on the "Just found out" section. The one you posted in. You may need to go back a few days or even a week, but it is here.<P>Read the book marks he has there. You will learn a lot. As for you situation, don't panic. Your situation is relatively common and it can be turned around. One of the things that will have to happen is that your H and the OW will need to separate at work. The constant contact is very difficult to overcome.<P>As for being extra nice to him now, it may help. What will probably help more is to avoid Love busters, LB's. NSR's post can help you with what those are. I would also recommend that you read His Needs Her Needs by Harley. It will give you ideas about where to more effectively focus your efforts to rebuild the marriage.<P>There is a lot of information here and many people who will help you so keep posting and asking questions. By all means read other peoples posts. If you feel you have some insight to offer do so. IF you have a question concerning your situation in the context of someone elses, feel free to ask.<P>People here enjoy helping others, so use this resource.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

you have come to the right place. I am 3 weeks in to this and my wife is having an affair with a co-worker. We had a perfect marriage, so I thought. We are high school sweethearts and dated for 6 years before we got married. we have been married for 5 years. talk about I never thought I would have to deal with this is an understatement. Learn as much as you can about what makes affairs happen. <BR>Then start Plan A. I haven't been able to separate my wife and the OM because she can't quit her job right now. she would go crazy. It is hard, it will test your endurance. He will come around. I am a big believer in God has a plan for all of us. <BR>I realized we had may major problems that I just passed off as normal with marriage problems. She tried to tell me many times but I was too stubourn to listen. <BR>They tell me if you can get past this and forgive. And rebuild your marriage it will be stronger and better than it ever was.<BR>You will learn how to have an affair proof marriage. That is what keeps me going.<BR>When I came here I knew nothing. I was totally confused hence the name. The more I understand and talk, the better I feel.<BR>Now, I am no holy roller. Just your average guy. but the thing that has helped me the most, other than this web site, is God. Work hard yourself and when you get to a brick wall ask God to help tear it down. There is power in prayer.<BR>And remember we are all here for you. If you have a question we will be glad to try to help. there are people here that have been going throught this for a while now and have great insight. I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck.

Your husband in still in a fog and you need to be so strong right now. It is hard to do, I know. Learn about plan A and stick to it. Definitely seek counselling and do some reading. Your H must have no contact with this woman, and being she is a co-worker that may be impossible, so then contact should be minimal and work related only. <BR>I too, took the blame for my H's affair, but you know it is a two-way street so you both have some work to do on your relationship.<BR>Hang in there.

Hi, there. Hang in there I am 3-going into my 4 week in knowing that my partner had an affair two years ago. And He is possible the father of a child she had, mind you she had other partners, but he did have unprotected sex. <P>I too like you began right way with the candle lighting of our bedroom, having crazy sex every night. Special dinners, baking his favorite cookies. But then he said all of it was nice, but get back to normal. This did help, but then I began to think: Am I trying to compete with is OW? Well needless to say I got back to normal. <P>Mind you the affair was two years ago, but this OW was calling him at work until 3 weeks ago. They had some type of friendship. She was making him feel guilty, and he was afraid of any fiancial strain she would try, like a parternity suit. So he was going over since May of 2000, which was the second time he ever saw the OC, he was helping her with diapers, shoes, etc...untill October of this year. He said because of paternity suit he was afraid and her financial situation was not good. He did tell he was keep a amicable relationship with her, even trying to get her to marry someone else.<P>Now the affair happen two years ago, but communication was on until 3 weeks ago. So I understand the pain you are going through. Just try not compete with this other OW. Try to communicate alot. Find out was was missing in the relationship with your H and work at that. Do not compete with OW. Do not do anything you would not naturally do because then you probably won't keep it up and case a different reason your relationship is going wayward. <P>Keep communicating, I am also new to this site. Keep reading other situations, it helps alot. Get the book "Surviving an Affair" , it really helps. When you get angry vent here, don't creat a situation at home over your anger or your pain of the OW. Concerntrate and try to keep communication on your relationship.<P>There will be days that in your mind you will doubt yourself, and think about the OW, think about other things that make you not trust your H, I do, I did today. I bring into this forum and wait for a response. Usually it helps alot, or at least gives me help in how to approach this situation with my mate.<P>Hang in there we will all come out of this in peace.<BR>

dyinginside2,<P>Welcome, it's pretty sad here but you're not alone. At least you're still having sex. <P>Emotional Affairs are the worst kind. From my vantage point anyway. There are people here who would maintain that the worst pain is that of having a spouse sharing their bodies with someone else, doing intimate sexual things - I can't argue, pain is pain. <P>My H stopped physical affection a long time before D day. He stopped the little gestures (he used to pick flowers along the way when he walked our dog and hand them to me, with a "Don't say I don't bring you flowers!" and a smile. I got a warm glow from those gifts. He used to hug me when I stood at the sink. Take my hand when we walked together. Now he always shifts whatever he's carrying to the hand closest to my body; I believe he does it unconsciously. And on and on.<P>confused/hurt mentioned that God has a plan for us. I believe c/h is right. Some areas of my life and our marriage were not so good before D day. I have begun working on them. Opportunities to connect with my faith and with God through the Old Testament have come into my life too, and have given me comfort. <P> <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess