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#403205 11/16/00 05:09 PM
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Another night that seemed to backfire on both of us.<BR>My fault really as I hit him with some things as soon as he got home.<BR>I wanted to join a band ( We used to play in bands together). He got all up in arms about that saying that HE did too and if I could then he could.<BR>I think he is just insecure. He thinks I will go out and cheat on him.<BR>I am frustrated...I need an outlet. <BR>I am getting depressed being in the house all day with the kids ( have been even before all of this)<BR>I want to do something for ME, which would ultimately help the relationship.<BR>Maybe its too early for all of this, but I am just sick of sitting here thinking about things!<BR>I suppose it's not easy for him either. He told me he got pulled up by his boss at work for "poor performance".<BR>He keeps taking everything I say as an attack..The idea about him allowing me access to his phone accounts and email passwords was a dismal failure.<BR>"You just want to check up on me! See, you DON"T trust me!"<BR>I tried to explain but he just wouldn't hear me.<BR>I don't think I will bother anymore...Anyway, he did explain the impossibility of the phone account..I do remember him once bringing it home ( after he reminded me) It was as thick as a telephone book. They DO just lump all the employee's accounts together but certain numbers eg phone sex lines etc are blocked.<BR>As far as the email goes...well I really don't care.<BR>I have no desire to be "checking up" as he calls it. I never intended that anyway.<P>We ended up having great sex, again after hours of fighting...Again, that was when his walls came down.<BR>I know he just wants to love me and he is trying in his own ( sometimes clumsy) way....so WHY can't I just accept that love?<BR>I just feel so empty and alone all day...<BR>I have no goals anymore...No projects to fill my time.<BR>I don't really feel motivated to do anything.<BR>Am I slipping into depression?<BR>

#403206 11/16/00 09:56 PM
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Last night it went well with me, talking with him that he should take some responsiblity of why are relationship went left field and why he felt his needs weren't met and he made the wrong decision to have an A, he could have made another decision or way to solve this. We both know to be more honest and open, especially when we start feeling negelected. So that went well.<P>On you subject today:<P>Wow, You must be pretty confident in your relationship to start thinking of going out or joining something on your own. You must be feeling a bit more secure. I glad for you. We always should be an individual, with individual likes and interest, But...<P> I just got off with my Honey on the phone and I brought up the subject of this weekend and what we were going to do. He said that its time especially for me to get out with my friends, to be out on my own. He said he was going to his cousins house to just hang out on either Saturday or Sunday, watch some football, play some playstation etc... <P>I just got sad, quiet and insecure, is he really going over there or where? Should I trust him, let go of my leash on him?<P> When he told me this I said why are you pushing me to get out. He said cause I needed to, I need to time to be myself or just one of the girls, get some air,I use to before, it will be good for me, and he is not using it as an excuse to go on his own. <P>But he remember when we were first together, I go out meet my girlfriends, have lunch, shop, but now I don't do that anymore.<P>Maybe he is right, because when I am home by myself, (since my children are very sociable and out with their friends and will be with their father this weekend), I start to think too much, get upset,depressed, angry etc...<P>I going to try this, this weekend but I am terrified. I will ask him to keep himself available to me, so when I'm in doubt I can call him. Keep me informed where he is, at all times and I will do the same.<P>I am sooo scared. I guess I have to try to get to normal. I don't think I can afford to suffocate him, but I am sooo scared. I wonder is it too early? Will I be able to enjoy the day with my girlfriends? I am nervous. <P>Is this ok, that we do this so early in just finding out everything (three and a half weeks ago). I hope I don't loose my mind and try to enjoy my day. I'm already getting stomach pains, headache, its like I am having an anxiety attack.<P>Help...

#403207 11/16/00 11:48 PM
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I can fully understand how you feel. It is so easy for us to question their motivations isn't it.<BR>I don't know how *I* would feel if my H was encouraging me to go out by myself and if HE wanted to go out by himself. ( He did tell me he refused a night out with workmates the other night because he didn't want to cause any trouble between us.)<BR>I suppose this is why he got so upset with me last night..because he wants us to do things TOGETHER right now.<BR>Ten years ago when he had a fling I went straight out and did something in retaliation. I told him about it...to hurt him.<BR>I am positive he is expecting me to do the same to him now even though the circumstances are different this time.<BR>To be honest I am still not in my right mind so maybe it is better if I wait a while before looking at anything too adventurous.<P>Back to you....If you feel in your heart he is really saying this sincerely for YOUR own well being then I would take his advice. <BR>You may not have the best time of your life and you WILL feel apprehensive but perhaps it has to start somewhere?<BR>I don't know...it would be interesting to see what others say.<BR>I am glad to hear that you had some good communication with him last night...hope it continues.<BR>

#403208 11/17/00 09:46 AM
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Vazquezek, If in your heart you feel you can trust him, and having some time for yourself with girlfriends etc. would make you feel better than by all means do so. Through this we somehow have to heal ourselves. If you can find support in those friends it will certainly help you along the way. In my experience it is nice to try and do some things that push this whole mess to the back of my mind for a while. Just be sure your following the rule of time with you H. Don’t sacrifice to much quality time with him, if you can find a nice balance I’m sure it could help.<P>RamblinRose, If you want to do something for yourself, have you considered learning to drive and getting a drivers license. I would think that an accomplishment that offers you such freedom would be very uplifting. Just a thought. <P>You both seem to bedoing much better, you may not realize it but I can sense it in your writing. I’m glad to see it.<BR>

#403209 11/19/00 09:24 PM
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RamblinRose, If you want to do something for yourself, have you considered learning to drive and getting a drivers license. I would think that an accomplishment that offers you such freedom would be very uplifting. Just a thought. <P>Oh yes...it is on my list of goals to achieve. I suppose I have always just put it off because it takes so darn long from start to finish to actually achieve that goal. Also I want to learn on an automatic, and that car is unregistered and just sitting there....( and we don't really have the funds to get it on the road right now)I COULD just try on the manual, but its a huge 4 Wheel drive ( a Pajero) and I am a little afraid of that.


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