Hello vasquezek,<P>Slowly, breathe in, breathe out, relax. Stretch, side to side, roll your head slowly in a circle one way, then the other. Clench fists, open wide, massage your own head. More deep breathing. Got herbal tea? Brew yourself a cup.<P>Sorry about the pain this situation with the OW and the OC is causing you. I understand how it feels to piece together pieces of a puzzle and figure out that your mate has been elsewhere, not innocently, but to connect with another woman and her child.<P>There is no OC in our situation, and I can't imagine the anguish of living with that situation. But as to worrying that he is urging you to have time with girlfriends so that free time will open up for him to sneak off to this OP, yep, can relate. <P>The suspense of not knowing if the OC is his puts stress on you. I would want the question answered one way or the other. At least you would know. If the baby is his, he has an obligation to support it. There are those who say he has the duty to parent it too, be involved in it's life. <P>I am not a good enough person to suggest putting your own feelings aside and encouraging him to have a relationship with his child. That is my own failing, so I wouldn't lecture you about it. I couldn't tolerate it, personally.<P>If he is the father, and you both value the marriage, financial support from a distance, but no contact, would be all I could tolerate or accept.<P>"Well last night and this morning I got to thinking about something he told me the the OW was trying, he called it setting the table. First she was trying to get him to go to the OC birthday party and he had expressed to her it wasn't going to be participating like a family with her and going to birthday parties and all that." <P>Umm, yeah, you're right. She's laying a trap, he sees it, and doesn't want to walk into it. From her point of view, it makes sense. She wants him to parent her baby. If she "sets the table" and he feels comfortable, he stays longer. Reconnects. Maybe even sleeps with her again. <P>The temptation is there and he and you both see it.<P>" Now I am wondering is this spend some time with your girlfriends is time so he can get away?"<P>Your whiskers are twitching because like a cat you sense something you can't see, but you know it's there. The OW wants your H to meet her largely absentee Dad? What's THAT about? Is absentee Dad going to take on the parental role and insist on your H repairing the honor of his seduced daughter, and ask the maybe-father of his grandchild to step up to the plate, make an honest woman of his daughter? I guess my fangs are showing. It seems suspect to me. <P>If her own father basically abandoned her it makes sense that she now has a child without a Dad. We mirror what we experience. Could there be a plot in the making, for the old man to lecture you about your duty and responsibilities, to tell your H "Don't make the same mistake I made; break the cycle of parental abandonment?" I guess I'm being repetitious.<P>"But I am thinking of just asking him straight out. Or is this going to harm our reconcilation/repairing out relationship?"<P>Gosh, I don't know. Can you talk to Steve or Jennifer Harley? Their principles are sound.<P>Hugs, be easy on yourself. Go to sites here about Love Busters and learn how to avoid them. Also read about Plan A.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess
