1 week ago I found out through much embarrassing investigation that my wife of almost 4 years was seeing someone else. At first she told me that she did not love me anymore and that she never had. In dealing with this we decided to stay together through the holidays for financial reasons but most of all for the sake of our 3 year old son, the only condition was that we were going to work on our relationship during this period. The next month and a half was a total nightmare. As I just found out, this period had been filled with lies, lies, and more lies.As if that was not bad enough, the entire time she was disrespectful to me,which in turn resulted in alot of fighting. I love this woman so much that I could not see the obvious. The pain I was experiencing was unreal.When I finally discovered that there was another man involved she continually lied about every little fact until I had proof, while professing that she now realized that she does love me.It literally took me tracking down the man she had been seeing to get the truth. At first she tried to convince me that he was lying, until she realized that I was not buying it.She finally told me the whole story, which coincidentally matched up to the story the other man told me. The two had met through my wife's friend. What started out as talking, led to kissing. To my knowledge that is as far as the relationship went. I dont know whether or not to beleive that, given all of the other lies. My problem now is dealing with the hurt, anger, and confusion. I dont know where to go from here. My wife does not want to talk about it, she just wants me to forget it and move on, nor does she accept the fact that a little counseling may help. Her belief is that we got ourselves in this we can get out. I don't feel that she is trying hard enough to correct the mistake she has made. Fact is I dont know whether to believe that she even wants to, after all of the lies, and the incredible pain she put me through in the last month and a half. How do I cope with this? Do I stay or not? Do I or should I beleive her? I need help I have lost every desire to do the things I enjoy, I do not want to leave my house. I want to spend time together to resolve this issue , meanwhile she tries everything she can to avoid having to spend time with me to resolve this. I think that I am going half crazy.

Welcome, I'm sorry you're here.<P>There's a veteran of MB named Jim who will give you a bunch of links to help find your way around this site. Read what he connects you to.<P>Can't write much now. Just briefly, of course your're hurt. Of course you have no trust. But stop pressing your wife right now to work on things. Come here, read the posts and find others who are coping with restoring marriages after affairs. Vent, cry on our shoulders, we're patient.<P>Be prepared for her to tell you that you're crazy. That's a pretty cruel thing but they do it. Especially when they are hiding the affair. And lying about the details.<P>Steve Harley does counseling. His principles are sound, as are the books and tapes (I have them).<P>Hugs, patience, take it easy. You can get through this. Don't get discouraged.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

.<p>[This message has been edited by TeeAreOhYouBeEL.Eee (edited July 25, 2001).]

Welcome <B>tt123</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>1. Stay!<P>2. Start on Plan A...<BR>Check out <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>3. Do consider counseling...<BR>...it takes time to set this up so start ASAP...<BR>...I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>My prayers for you!<P> <P>Jim

TT - as you browse posts from others and read the books, you'll find out how amazingly similar these things are. Believe me when I say that I and others know exactly how you feel and your thoughts and questions are right down the middle. There is some good news for you - you're ahead of the game! Your wife has admitted to the affair and it sounds like she can eventually see the need for counseling - many WSs continue to deny and separations occur. Read and start Plan A immediately. Good luck! Come here for support and advice.<P>WAT

Hello, Sorry you are here! But you have come to the right place. I am 3.5 weeks from finging out my wife of 5 years was having an affair with a co-worker. Gather as much info as you can on what makes this happen. Start depositing in her love bank. If you don't know what that is read around the site. It can all be put back together. It just takes time. At least that is what they tell me. i am a newbie. This site has been great. When I am mad and down I come here to vent. To aviod getting angry at my W. And with drawing precious love units. Us men want to find out what is wrong and fix it tommorrow. That does work. I have already tried it. Take small steps and slowly put it back together. <BR>Order books from this site. I have purchased countless books since finding out Harley's books are by far the best and easy to relate to. <BR>Trust in God and ask fro his help.<P>Good luck and God Bless