Well, I'm back! I filed for divorce, but H. talked me into waiting to see if we could work things out. I wasn't able to stand my ground, and went back to bed with him. I still do not know where he is living. Some place in another city. We traded cars for a day, and I found another key I did not recognize, I didn't say anything to him, but the next day, the key had been removed from the key ring, BEFORE we switched keys. There are privacy calls on my caller ID, and he tells me it was from the school, but the schools were closed today. So he is LIEING Again, I am not sure I what I should do. He keeps telling me I should trust him, and trust him, and yet, I can't when he refuses to tell me where he is living, or who he is with, or what is going on, and I am just suppose to trust him again? I am so confused, and so unsure. I think my marriage is beyond saving, I believe that he has OW nearby in another city, yet I can't find out anything about it. Can I get some advice? Should I follow him, and find out, or should I just let it go? I am not sure what I should do? Can some one please help me? gn

.<p>[This message has been edited by TeeAreOhYouBeEL.Eee (edited July 25, 2001).]

I'm having a bad week as well, My H wants out and I;m planning to leave for the inlaws as we speak. I imagine if he wants to work it out then there has to be full disclosure, no secret calls, visits, etc. And I would not give him "any" until you both have resolved things. I'm sure you don't trust him, and I believe he is still up to something. What does your counselor think, (that is if you are seeing one) If he refuses to tell you what he's doing, where he lives, and all that then the is no working this out. He wants the cake and eat it too crap. Stand your ground, if he isnt willing to follow your rules then continue the proceedings. He doesnt think you'll actually go thru w/ it, so he's "creeping " back into your bed, don't do it again. I'll pray for ya girl<P>Fury

Snugglermi,<P>Sorry to hear things are still not going well for you. You're right, you can't trust him until he becomes completely open and honest with you...and he has to be made aware of that (if he hasn't already).<P>If he's not willing to do this, then for the sake of your sanity you should probably consider Plan B. Just let him know that you are cutting off all contact with him until he decides to break all contact with OW and come back home. Remember, you need to do it the way the Harleys suggest and not have it be with anger or Love Busters. You must then follow through on this and let him make the next move. <P>It sounds like on some level he is not sure which way he wants to go (i.e. doesn't want you to divorce but also does not want you to know where he is living). You must make him realize that he can't have his cake and eat it too. It will just drive you nuts.<P>It sounds like you are trying to do all you can on your end to save this marriage. If it doesn't work at least you won't be the one to blame.<P>Just my thoughts anyway...for what it's worth.<P>Good luck.<P>HD

Dear gn,<P>Have you thought of a trial separation to allow both of you time to sort things out? This could be a wake up call to him. It is Plan B. There are some samples of Plan B letters in NSR's Notable Posts/Threads.<P><BR>God bless you <BR>love<BR>weep