I'm Gary , <BR> I live in Ohio and my wife of 18 years and the Mother of my 2 lovely children had enough a few months back , and filed for divorce. I was plagued with mood swongs and angry outbursts , since then , a thyroid problem has been diagnosed which clearly showed a chemical imbalance causing the majority of the highs and lows. Since my diagnosis my wifes complaint has evolved into " I don't love you , and never should have married you " I moved out because she said I was damaging the Children with my whining ( at the time I was ) And when visiting our home one day , I ran across her cell phone bill which showed over 200 minutes of calls to one number ....turns out it's a married ex boyfriend with 2 kids , she has had lunch with him on many occasions and has exchanged some very romantic , suggestive E-mails with him , When confronted with the information above she said " I just needed a male point of view " on this situation , seems kinda fishy to me. I'm not the brightest bulb in the box , but it sure looks as if she needed a male point of view , her Pastor , or other friend would have been a better choice , since this emotional attraction is SO SO strong she refuses to even consider the effects her pending divorce will have on anyone or her. And will not have any contact with me regarding anything that even hints at getting help. What are your feelings on this , my priest tells me a good way to tell if its a affair is to see how the situation , if reversed would effect the other spouse........Comments ?<P>------------------<BR>Yesterday is history , tommorrows a mystery , and the present is a gift , thats why its a present

.<p>[This message has been edited by TeeAreOhYouBeEL.Eee (edited July 25, 2001).]

We aren't legally eperated , she went right pass that straight to divorce , I moved out thinking time apart would give her a sense of clarity , but instead . She has found a support network to allow here to confirm that " I'm a no good [censored] " I know the panic she feels that her life s " passing her by " and that only something new will make her whole , but , she hasn't even gave me a chance to show her the new me.....I'm damn frustrated

Sorry Gary. Smells like an affair to me. <P>Go to Plan A. Read everything there. WOrk on yourself. Even if she isn't interested in seeing the new, improved Gary, you will become healthier and stronger. <P>If she's got a 200 minute cell phone bill, and the guy is married, and she's saying she "only wants the male point of view", she's lying to herself. Also known as denial. You can't blow away the fog. Educating her as to what she is doing would be a love buster. She will have to see it for herself (or not). Right now you're not someone she will listen to.<P>My H needed a feminine POV too. He could have talked to his mother with my blessings(she is wise and kind), my gynecologist, or our son's therapist, also a woman. BUt he talked to his BestFriend at work, a much younger woman. About me. ANd I found out. <P>He could have talked to his brother, who is an MD. A very discrete and wise person also. But he talked to a beautiful female.<P>When wayward spouses talk to opposite sex friends about their spouses' problems, they betray the confidence of their spouses. They have a secret between themselves from which the spouse is excluded. The spouse is too "fragile" to deal with, so the WS turns to the outside opposite sex friend for support. It's a betrayal. <P>Your priest is right. Doubtless, like my priest, he's heard it all in the confessional.<P>Back to the top. Do Plan A with a vengeance.<P>Love,<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Great advice my domestic godess friend , I have recieved several E-mails today from her and throughout all of them I have returned , I expressed in nouncertain terms my love for her while evolving is nonetheless love , and her search for emotional support in all of this is totally understandable , I have been less than a perfect spouse and tend to lean on my disease more thanI should as all the problems caused in our marriage have not been mood swing related , some have just been downright character flaws that I now recognize and am working my @#%^ off to correct.......

Hi Gary,<P>The separation and your work on yourself could turn out to be, in retrospect, a blessing, if she comes back. You could both end up winning.<P>You could both end of having a deeper relationship and renewed appreciation for what you could have lost. It appears you are doing some real soul searching. Good luck.<P>