Just an up date. My H. says that before he comes clean, I have to admit to all my affairs. There are about five (he believes), my step-brother, my brother's best friend, my best friend's husband, the school Janitor, and my Minister. So I asked all these men to come forward and confront my H. that these were all lies that he created to hurt me and cover up his guilt. But h. threatened to beat them up. (H. is a martial arts instructor) and I was so embarrassed. SO, I refuse to admit to something I have not done, and so now we are at another stand still. I am planning to start making my plans without him, and so now I must start being stronger around him. I hope that I am doing every thing right. THere are times when I cry forever, and I feel as if my entire world is spinning endlessly and that if it doesn't stop, I will die trying to hop off. He does not see me, the real me, and he does not see who he is. I believe my H. is in the battle of his life, for his life. That perhaps, God has decided my Hubby needs to repent of all his sins, and find true happiness with HIM. I am beginning to believe that the battle is not for my marriage alone, but for my H. soul as well. My hubby is a Buddist, and believes Churches are Organized Crime in the market of brainwashing. SO maybe I hope when this battle is over, I will have a true husband who is repentive, and loving to me. May be I am desperate enough to believe in GOD. I just don't know. I function on day, one hour at a time, If I don't I die, and make horrible mistakes that make me feel awful, and unworthy. So I can only take it an hour at a time. Thank you for all your support--gn

snugglermi,<P>Some anti-depressant medication to ease those very low... lows can help...<P>...but don't discount God's help... it's great too...<P> <P>Jim

Snug, I wish I had some great words of wisdom to share but I find my own situation has me in a daze. I just want you to know I am still routing for you. Hang in there.<P>Oh and believing in God is not a desperate act. But I'm sure he is glad to have lean on him no matter how you got there.<P>ozwald

My H. stayed with us through the Thanksgiving holiday. It went really well. Yesterday was hard, because it was our anniversary. H. did buy a nice gift for me, but I was unsure how to take the next step. I believe he is staying with his sister, because If he was staying with OW then he won't have stayed Wednesday through today at home. H. did not use the phone one time, and he was very attentive to me. My family is furious at me for allowing him to stay, so Thanksgiving was stressful with Mom and sister. They aren't talking to me right now, because they say that I am not using my common sense. So now I am torn in the middle. Working on saving my marriage, or repairing the damage with my family. I wish this had never happened! Gn

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by snugglermi:<BR><B> So now I am torn in the middle. Working on saving my marriage, or repairing the damage with my family. I wish this had never happened! Gn</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Snug,<P>Sorry to hear you're getting dumped on by your family. I've done it myself and I am just now realizing that I should have not done that to my sister. When I read this part of your post I can tell you that your family is really just looking out for your happiness. I think if your H will bring you happiness again, they may have a change of heart. I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving regardless of your situation. Maybe a little bit more time and effort from your H will bring more comfort to you. <P>I hope it happens for you as much as I hope it happens for me.<P>--BJ<p>[This message has been edited by 2Bornot2B (edited November 27, 2000).]

I wish my family was out of it. But the d-day shattered me so badly, I reached out to them. My family has been trying to convince me to divorce my H. for years. Knowing about the EA has just added to their reasons, and every time I see them, they are again letting me know how much they see me being foolish in my working on my marriage. Here we go again-gn