Looking at PORN is in my opinion an affair with PORN! I believe one eventually leads to the other. He needs to stop. I found out about Spector after D-day, wish i had it sooner, but now I use it to keep my kids in line and I have had to call my 16 yr old on places he should not be at. Its great.<BR><P>------------------<BR>jnvc

I completely agree with you. I certainly do not condone my husbands porn activities on the net. He knows how I feel about it, and h e use to tell me that he had an addiction. He would say things like, "It's not like I get on the internet with the purpose of looking at porn, but sometimes I just look at it because .... yadda yadda yadda." But Spector tells me he looks at porn 97.9% of the time he gets on the net. It's frustrating. <P>The big question now is...... How do I get after him, without revealing that I use Spector?

I found a shareware version of a program called starr commander. The unregistered version has the small problem of a banner popping up and thanking you for trying it when you run it in auto start. I found out if I got on our machine at home before the W and left it running it worked, Almost too good. I caught her within 4 hours of installing it on the computer and let me tell you, it was like being gutted with a K-BAR. This software will log everything you do ie passwords, user names etc etc, on the machine and has the ability to e-mail the results somewhere else. It is very powerful and cost around 50.00 for a registered copy. Be careful about doing this because you may find some pretty rotten stuff. I always told myself she wouldn't do this but as spouses, we have an intuition that will tell us when something is just not right. That was my feeling. I wanted to know the truth. I am an honest man and I thought she was honest but I discovered she was not. Hope you do the right thing for yourself and will be thinking of you...

starr commander runs in the background and does not show on history or any other activity tracking files on a 95/98 machine. It will attempt to e-mail the ascii file as soon as your machine is logged onto the internet. If it can't get through it will continue trying until the internet session ends. It has an encrpyted raw text file that can be viewed locally on your machine and this file can be password protected from within the program itself. Pretty powerful stuff if you ask me. All the files to run this can be stashed anywhere you want. You just have to tell the program where the rawlog and ascii files will be located. I probably sound like some info psycho but as I replied earlier, I had to know the truth and could not afford to hire someone to do this for me. Once again, I will be thinking about you all....

There really is a lot of mistrust out there, a symptom of deteriorated relationships.<BR>Control+H will give you a lot of history of the keyboard use and not every user "cleans" it up with every questionable use.<BR>How about just looking for the password. Or strategically placing a videocam. Just think like the CIA would.<BR>Yes, I am careful. And it is reassuring to know that some negatives are no longer in the picture. It makes it easier to wait for the positives.<BR>R<BR>PS just by reading this thread, your computer may log "Spy Software" on the history. Will you delete it? Will someone find it if you don't? Will it raise yet additional points for conflict?

Ok, i used some of the software mentioned here. W is on internet everyday, alomst all day (She doesn't work) talking with guys, telloing them to come for visit to our town, tells them she is separated (I owrk out of town). Is sending pictures out (some naked)and has cyber sex sometimes too. There are 3-5 she is in close conntact with (via the net) but having an EA with somene close by that SHE seems to be trying to make into a PA. Tells him how she loves him, describes intense love scens to him, how she misses him etc..... It hurts me like Hell to see this but i have ben paln A and through outward appearances we are workking it out but I know now how well she is lying to me. She refuses to disconnect internet service and has several screen names so i can't tell when she is online. Tells me no other guys, no cybering or chat, no pictures being sent. Do I confront her with the truth and rick LBs or keep Plan A and hope for the best? If so, how long?<P>Mr B

Here's what I do to keep anyone from tracking my activites online (not H, he's computer illiterate , but daughter likes to log onto my computer):<P>I use Microsoft IE, so before I log off, I go to the "home page" (that comes up when I log on), then I click on "Tools", select "Internet Options" and then click on "Settings". Select "View Files"; when a window comes up with all the files you've accessed, click on "Edit" and then "Select All", and push the delete button. <P>A popup will ask you if you want to delete "cookies". Select "yes", and then "OK". For added measure, when it gets back to the screen that has "Delete Files" and "Clear History", I select both. (Note: I also have the days to remain in history set to zero.) Then, exit out of IE. <P>Be sure to exit out of IE, even if you leave the computer online, or the next person to use the internet can still access your activities. <P> All this is assuming that no one has put a keystroke logger on your computer, of course.

I used Starr and it was a remarkable program. I found out about the A before I installed the program. I was insistant about her ending the relationship with OM that they were having on "our family computer". She made a long private phone call and made a huge scene about the difficulty with ending the A. I felt something was out of place so I activated the software and watched it for a few days. I knew she was lying the whole time and now I had the proof. <P>I confronted her with the information. I was apologetic for spying but not for what I found. I made it very clear that if she was going to conduct her A then it would not be with items that were provided for the betterment of our family. IE the computer and Telephone. If she wanted to do this then he could get her a cell phone and pay the bill or she could use the payphone. <P>What I learned and I am thankful for is the knowledge of how diseptive she could be. I didn't think it was possible from her but I was sadly mistaken. Now she knows her trust is something I am not giving away. We have been in counseling for 4months and I feel she has been very honest with me but we are still not there yet. I check her e-mail. No passwords are kept secret now. No programs are used to allow chatting. I also expressed to her that if I ever thought things were degrading I would install the software again. Since this computer is ours and not hers to use as a tool to conduct an A.<P>I am not saying it was right wrong or indifferent but I am saying is that I got the uncontorted truth and it was undeniable, that made it worth it. You can sence and feel something is wrong but this puts it in your face!!!<P>Good luck to all who use it. I only used it for a few days early on in our problems. I haven't felt the need to use it again. I have looked through histories and asked lots of questions before though.