About 4 years ago my spouse's first cousin (married with 2 kids) and her parents came for a holiday (Carnival time here in the Caribbean). They had never met before as they all live in Europe. They stayed with us part of the time during which time my husband took his cousin out showing her the sights and entertainment that is common at this time of the year. I had to stay at home looking after my kids and going to work. I noticed an attraction building up between them but kept quiet. I even told my husband that I felt left out when they talked together.<P>This Summer he confessed that he was and still is strongly attracted to her, and even has feelings of love for her. The night before they left, my husband was invited to have dinner with them at a relative's beach house. I found out that they both spilt their guts about their feelings for each other and did some necking and fondling, but did not make love even though they both wanted to. They have only contacted each other once when her husband overheard the conversation on the phone and confronted his wife. Since then I've been the one kept in the dark, while she would write and send photos of herself and family to us several times a year.<P>I spoke to her after writing a letter to her and she responded. She said that they didn't want to make anyone suspicious if they wrote to everyone except us.<P>My husband says he loves me very much, does not want to leave me and wants to get old with me. He does not regret what happened (he said he felt good about it while it happened, could not control his feelings of attraction, his feelings have not changed, but is not proud of it).<P>I love him very much and never expected something like this to happen to us. I don't want to leave him but cannot get what happened out of my mind, picture them together daily, and just hope they never come here again because I do not know how I would react. She was a very nice person and we got on great, but since I found out about it my thought about her have changed. She has used me to get information of my husband.<P>Please give me some feedback and advise,

{TAT}...<P>check out the following:<P><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P> <P>Jim

Dear TAT,<BR>an Emotional affair, however short is just that, an affair. They made love in their heads, which is where it all starts anyway,<BR>My W had an EA 1 yr ago. We are much better now, but she regrets what she did, the OM regets what he did, appoligized etc...I caught the EA via a e-mail to her. <BR>Although we ( 3 of us) {his wife does not know about it,he never told, I should have early on but didn't, now its his business)<BR>I have been told that NO contact is the best way to proceed, unfortunately we still see the OM frequently because of both our kids sports team. You must set boundaries with him, and suggest getting the book, <BR>The five love languages, by Gary Chapman. It made a big difference with us. <BR><P>------------------<BR>jnvc