I sit here wondering where to go. It started a bout 6 weekes ago when my wife of 9 years went out with the girls. She got home at 7:30 in the morning. Last night after a day of deer hunting and meals with the family I was bushed and headed off to bed with my 7 year old. Around 9:30 my wife said she was going to some friends to watch a movie. I could not sleep so waited until around 1:30 when she arrived backs home. She was cold. Today I took a trip to see my dads grave site and get away. I have read all the pages on the Marrige Builder. I found oout tonight that because my wife has been trying to tell me for quite awhile that her emotional needs were not being meet that she had sex with a guy she meet when she was out 6 weeks ago. She has been over to he place 3x but swears last night was the only time they slept together. I am torn apart. My heart has been ripped from me and all the special intimate moments I have shared with my wife seem gonr. How do I go on? I love her dearly but will always have this picture of her making love to this guy. I have tried to get as much information about what happened to help start the healing. I have two great kids and can't see this M ending. She said it menat nothing and she needs me. How can I trust her? I need advice ASAP. Please HELP!!!

Take some deep breaths my friend, its a roller coaster of intense emotions. It sounds like your W is committing to you again, but the trust of course has been shattered. At this early stage - forgiveness and trust are a ways away. A wonderful book to read is After The Affair by Janis Spring.<BR>Don't have time now to write anymore, but know that you are on the right track simply because she is with you and wants your marriage. One step at a time.

Hi will,<BR> well IO am so sory to hear about your heartbreaking news and I do hope the days in front of youa re lifted to brighter light <BR> try to talk to her , ask her why ? was it soemthing you did ? spend time talking figuring out what and when it went wrong , <BR> sometimes things in life happen even though the pain seems to strong to handle now , it will go away in time if you both have the time it may bring you closer then you have ever been !!

Welcome <B>willinwisconsin</B>...<P>You've said you've covered the MB pages... so just as a reference... I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You're going to have a hard time with any forgiveness...<BR>...and to get through any of this... you're going to have to start somewhere.<P><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P>I hope some of this helps.<P> <P>Jim

Your wife must get help NOW and you must support her. I am a WS and I have suffered enormous pain because the A became an addiction (as most are). If your wife is being honest with you and telling you that if only happened once, if she is truly remorseful and does not want it to happen again she must stop all contact with OM NOW! And in my situation, OM did not make it easy to end and therefore my A and pain lasted months when it should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED! Please don't push her away, as angry and hurt as you are feeling right now, there is a reason why she allowed this to happen and unless you BOTH understand why this happened your marriage will suffer. You must muster up every ounce of strength and courage you have and support and love her. My H and I are healing, mainly because he set aside his anger and I realize how much he must truly love me to put aside his feelings to help our marriage survive. I'm not saying it is easy, but we are praying for a fuller, healthier, stronger marriage. I feel your wife's pain, because I have been there, we are all unfortunately only human and I NEVER dreamed this would happen to me, as I'm sure she also has thought. Don't give up ! !

I spent the night trying to find the beginning. The hurt of my wife's affair is the least of my problems. After a hard night of soul searching I was able to confess to my wife that I too have had feeling towards other women. I just could not have dealt with the guilt of having an affair. I grew up in a family where my father abused my mother and said to mayself I would not be like this. When my wife would go out I found comfort in the internet, magazines and other sources to help me through my internal affair. It is so bad that when my wife is away I can't even satisy myself anymore. A great deal of my problems I believe stem from my past. Finnally after a great deal for crying and selfpity have relized I was the one who caused this. On the night my wife told me she was going to go watch movies with her friends I should have asked her to styay and talk. I have forgiven my wife for what happened. I need to move on and start the healing. We have an appointment on Monday to hopefully start the healing. I greatly appreciate all the replies the the messages. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will return to seek more help.

I just found your posting, and I'm sorry that this has happened, but am glad that your latest word is that you have forgiven her and have a counselling appointment. I would suggest buying Surviving An Affair. I know that this is a very hard time, but at the very least it is a wakeup call to really dig down and work on improving your marriage. Mine came late and by that time my wife got involved with someone else, and right now is living in her own place, confused, OM still around, and it isn't fun.<P>I'm sure you will experience many emotions over the next while, but the fact that you both want to work on the marriage is something to be thankful for.<P>Let us know what happens, and just so you know, you get more responses on the General Questions II forum. Best of luck with handling this and moving forward.<P>