Backround : I am BS 28 yrs old. W 27 is having an affair with 47 yr old married man with 1 12 yr old son OM wife doesn't know.<BR>4 weeks since D-Day<P>Everything seems to be going good. I can't tell if she is wanting to work on this or hiding her affair again. It seems to be like the weeks before I found out about the A. She is not wanting to talk about it and acting like it never happen. I think she was in withdrawls and had a meeting with OM. And is back where we started from. I don't know.<P>What I am struggling with is- I am 28 years old no kids. My wife who I dearly love has just committed the most horrible thing I could ever imagine. Her reason I didn't meet her emotional needs. hmmm so for the rest of my life I am going to be afriad that if times get tough again that she will leave again. Do I want this woman to be the mother of my children? I feel like this is a huge red flag about her morals and character. I have read the books. I understand how affairs happen. I also hope there are people out there that would not do this to their spouses. If they are unhappy why can't they just tell us.<P> So do I stay or do I go? I am fairly young, no children, not abusive at all, make a good living, Am I just blinded by love. <P>She is not even working on this. I am just stupid , stupid , stupid.<P>I will not tell my friends they would tell me I am crazy. They may be right.<P>Just need some support having a bad night.<P>WHAT SHOULD I DO?

It takes 2 committed people to make a marriage work. If she is continuing the affair or is unwilling to discuss why she is behaving this way than it leaves you no choice but to move on. Infidelity is emotional abuse of the worst kind and should not be accepted.

{{{confused/hurt}}}...<P>A few quotes as a reminder from <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#3.) The (betrayed) spouse needs to know that he/she had done his/her best to save their marriage. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#4.) If the (betrayed) spouse follows the plans (A & B), and they(the plans) fail, the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Affairs and dishonesty always go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. (page 78 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hang tough in Plan A for a longer while...<BR>It really is about you...<BR>...and all the veteran Plan A-ers will agree<BR>...it has helped them become better spouses...<BR>......or better future partners.<BR>...it isn't a wonder potion to <B>force</B> back the WS!<P> <P>Jim

Confused/hurt - from a practical standpoint, being young with no kids gives you a lot more time and choices. The odds are against the thing with the older man with a family for the long term. It will play out one way or another. You are wise to look beyond the problem at hand and assess the whole package. MB has a bias to save marriages. Yours could be saved, but you're asking yourself the right questions about should it be saved. Only you can assess if she's worth it. One idea is to play it out according to Plan A, Plan B, and the answer for you may appear right before your eyes. Good Luck.<P>WAT

Thank you for your replies. It helps to get encouragement from time to time. I have to let pride go as well. sometimes that is hard to do. <P>I am going to stay with plan A. It can only help me. It will be much easier to move on with an empty love bank. And no regrets. <P>Again, thank you for your continued support. I know I would not have lasted this long with out you guys.

Congratulations for having the strength to try to make it work - and you know - if it doesn't in the end, you will know that you tried your best with no regrets as you say.<BR>At first I found plan A frustrating, why should I the betrayed one have to work so hard, but you know, it has helped me in so many ways. I feel I'm a better parent - I'm careful not to LB on my small children, because all that does is create frustration and hard feelings. Plan A has helped me grow as a person.<BR>Many good wishes to you. I hope your wife comes out of the fog and sees what a gem she has in you!!