We are 4.5 weeks since D-Day. I have a feeling W is still seeing OM. They work together. She is no longer in bad withdrwals. She doesn't sleep much. She gets up in the middle of the night. I am afriad to ask her what is wrong and if she will talk to me about it. I pushed so hard after D-Day that she had to leave for a day. I don't want to get that started again.<P>She is acting like eveything is getting better between us. I have change alot lately. I can tell she is surprized at what I have done to make things better. She will not talk to me about what is going on. It maybe that I don't want to talk either we avoid it. <P>When she left this morning for work she kissed me without me initiating it. She hasn't shown that much emotion since I found out about tha A. Should I be trying to show her alot of emotion or just be kind? I am really confused about what I should be doing. I am so afrid of doing the wrong thing that I avoid doing somethings I probably should be doing. But there is only so many times I can express my love for her with no response. <P>Should I ask questions about the OM and their relationship? Or is that a LB. I just don't want her to show me affection or act like everything is OK to hide her affair. That hurts worst than no emotion at all.<P>I am so confused as to what to do NOW<P>any advice would be great.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by confused/hurt:<BR><B><BR>Should I ask questions about the OM and their relationship? Or is that a LB. I just don't want her to show me affection or act like everything is OK to hide her affair. That hurts worst than no emotion at all.<P>I am so confused as to what to do NOW<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BR>C/H,<P>I am just replying to your post because I too am feeling the same way. I also don't know if I should bring it up or not. We don't talk about it much anymore and I don't really hear any updates on how my H is doing with his situation. <P>I don't want to ask cause I don't want to push, but not knowing anything is really bothering me. I guess I need to know to have trust. It's so wierd, because trust should just automatically be there and I have been trying not to LB as much as I can. <P>So, I know how you're feeling and I will follow this post to see what options we have.<P>My intitial instinct is, do not ask because it might push our S's further away. But surely there must be something we could do to ease our concerns.<P>--BJ

I am sorry that this is going on! I am in pain myself because I know my wife is moving out this coming weekend. <P>In my experience, over the past 2 months, I would ask if my W is still talking to the OM (EA) every once in a while because I felt that if things looked good and she was just covering up the EA, that everything I was working on was a lie. Over the summer, things seemed to be getting better, but it really wasn't! It seemed like it was better because I didn't ask anything and kept everything happy and pleasant. She had kept the EA affair going and also had a pleasant home.<P>I don't know what to tell you! If you press her for info, she may get mad and defensive. If you don't press her, you will always be wonder what is going on! Are you both going to counseling? If she will go with you, I believe that is the best place to start. Counseling will help both of you and also get her to release some of the information you desire.<P>I'm not much help today, I don't feel too well. I just want you to know that others are dealing with the same problem and your not alone!<P>Take care<P>P.S. I guess I have another thing to say, if you love your wife, focus on why you do!! It does help get you threw the bad times. It gives hope and helps you think positively about the problem! I made a list of why I love my wife about 2 weeks ago. Even tho she is hurting me deeply, I easily thought of approximately 30 things...from the smell of her perfume...her beautiful face when sleeping...the very essence of her being. I know she's confused, but I still LOVE HER!!<P>Take care & hang in there!!

Ok I’ll be brief. I think it is ok to ask anything, If and only if – you can ask in non angry, non threatening way. Followed by the acceptance that once you have the answer your grateful you received it regardless of how it makes you feel. It can not be used in any way to attack your S. Do that and they will be hard pressed to give any more answers. Once they see you can do this consistently things will hopefully open up.

Thank you for your replies.<P>We are in counceling. We go again tommorrow at 5:30. That is where we talk about our problems. Last week she attacked me and said some awful things to make me look like an awful husband in front of the councilor. I was so shocked I didn't defend myself. She is full of anger. Because I didn't give her what she needed for so long. I thought I was giving her what she needed because she didn't tell me otherwise. Or if she did she didn't do it in a was that I understood. <P>2born, <BR>I agree, I don't want to push. I am going to bring this up in my counciling tommorrow. I will let you know what he has to say about it.<P>I want to talk about so much that when I get to the councilors office I start talking about so much so fast. <P>I think she is getting the best of both worlds. I am giving her what she needs and so is OM. What a life. My wife is a very honest and good person. That is another reason that I stay. She is not sleeping good at night. I can just hope it is her concience bothering her ablout continueing the affair. Maybe that will bring her out of the fog. <P>ihurt,<BR>Thank you for all of the help you have given me so far. You have been a great inspiration to us all. I know you are going through alot right now. I am sorry your wife is moving out. You seem to know what you are doing. Sounds like plan B. You are obviously a great guy with a good heart. I know GOD doesn't give us anything we can't handle. However this A has sure pushed me far. But I am surviving as I know you will to. Stick to your MB principles. She will realize just how great a man you are. I have faith that this will work out for you. We will all be here for you this weekend. I will keep you in my prayers as well. Stay strong and remember you are not alone.