Okay- I just found out from my children that my H.'s mother is bad mouthing me to my children. My son told me that his dad, my H. told his mother that I was the one who had many affairs on him, and of course she believed him. So now my mother-in-law calls up and hangs up on me, or she talks bad about me in front of my children. I asked my H. to tell her the truth, and he just laughed at me. I never cheated on him, but he believes I have. I will not defend myself to my mother-in-law, because I have nothing to defend. But I am angry that she is allowed access to my children only to berate me to them. I have decided not to give them christmas cards, and ignore the phone calls. I would block her number, but my H. calls from her house once in a while to talk with the kids. I am not sure what I can do to stop this maddness from my mother-in-law. I was hurt at first to think she would believe I would do something like that to my H. but now I just want her out of my life. She can see the grandchildren as long as she keeps her opinions to herself when they are within ear shot of her. Is this to much to ask for? Should I tell her the truth, that is was my H., her son that cheated, not me? Would she even believe me at this point? What next? I have not let my H. return home permenmently because He will not admit he lied about my affairs, and he will not admit that the email letters were an Emotional Affair. He saids it was not an affair, only letters. I am not going to give in on this matter. He was in the wrong, not me, but I am the one paying the price. H. has been telling everyone it was me that had the affair, he was the one who left me, and he was the one who is hurt. I am so angry at him for doing this!!! gn

I am struggling with similiar lies. My H, the WS, told his mom and many others (his co-workers) that I was having an affair of the heart in Nov. '98. I never approached anyone just let time run it's course.<P>Over the years, however, I have had opportunities to talk with his mom and she now sees it wasn't me. We were only engaged at the time of all he accused me of.<P>It still bothers me that his co-workers think I cheat on him when he has lied and cheated on me. One girl just shoots me dirty looks when I visit his office. I think she was smitten with him when they used to e-mail internally. He's great for his charm and loves when he gets attention. I would love to let this girl know the truth, but don't know how to do it without it being a major LB to my H. I've thought of calling just to clear my name, but not implicate his wrong doings, but part of me doesn't think she's worth it. It hurts me though.<P>My H lied about me having affairs to the OW he slept with earlier this year. She ended their relationship when she learned about me being his fiance. She was under the impression he left me because I was cheating and I was begging for his forgiveness. He made himself out to be heart brokenand in need of her affection.<P>I'm sorry your in-laws think badly of you, but I think you should set the record straight with kindness. It's downright wrong for your H to make such claims and let her abuse you the way she is. You have a right to clear your name. I think you'll forever harbor resentment if you don't have a talk with her.<P>Good luck!

I would have to confront her. Set the record straight, and demand that she not speak against you in front of your children, or she will not see them.<P>Whether or not she believes you, she has absolutely no right to disrespect you to your children. Disrespecting you is disrespecting your children, and if she continues to do so, your kids should not be exposed to her.

Hi Snug,<P>You know what, you can probably do something about this through the court. Kind of like a restraining order, but instead of a physical restraiing order, an order that implies the importance of NOT bad mouthing in front of the children. That could be damaging to them in the long run. Not that your children would find you the bad one, because eventually as they get older, the resentment would be towards who is doing the bad mouthing. "I learned this in a parenting class I took" Make sure you're not doing the bad mouthing, and when they tell you things they've heard from your H or MIL, let them know that you are sorry they had to hear those awful things, but reasure them that you did not do what they accused you of doing. First ask them how they felt when your H or MIL told them those things.<P>ask them like this:<P>How do you feel about what they said to you?<P>*I'm sure they'll be pretty honest with their answer. Once they tell you, reasure them that you have not done those things.<P>you can say something like this:<P>I am sorry you had to hear those awful accusations, but I can reasure you that I did not and would not do those things because I value our family very much. (Something to reasure them that you care.)<P>*Try not to say "they're lying it was your dad who did it.". That will only confuse and maybe hurt them more.<P>*Just stay strong and look into getting an order from the court stating your concerns.<P>*I hope that helps a little<P>--BJ<P><p>[This message has been edited by 2Bornot2B (edited December 05, 2000).]

I have to agree with PamO. Confront the woman face to face and explain as much or as little as you decide you want to.<P>However make it absolutely clear and in no uncertain terms that her behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.<P>If it were me I would do it with the H present so that there can't be "two stories" being told. If this puts him on the spot, tough noogies, he has had plenty of opportunities to set his mother straight.<P>Regardless of how you do it, the MIL can not be allowed to put her "spin" on anything concerning your children. If she can't agree to that then she doesn't need to be around them or talking to them. It's that simple and it's her choice.<BR>

Thanks for all your support. I will try to do as all of you suggested. I could careless about what she thinks about me, but I will not have her talking bad to my children infront of me. COnfronting her is not a problem, but I think she would just slam the door in my face, or walk away. when we see each other in public, she turns the other way, she avoids me, goes out of her way to avoid me. But I will tell my H. how I feel, but I am not sure he will do anything about it. I will keep you posted on the events of what happens. Thank you again gn