I am wondering whether I should be concerned for my marriage. We have always had a very strong marriage but recently had some stressful times with the birth of twins and one of them re-admitted to hospital. <P>This has caused my husband to start wondering about his life, mortality, do I want to be here, is my wife the one for me or will someone else come along in the future that I'd rather be with. <P>He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of this life with me but wonders if there is someone more perfect out there for him and feels he is stringing me along/deceiving me for thinking this. He has no desire to go and try and find this person.He doesn't even know if there is such a person. He does know that whilst he loves me, I am not the be all and end all of his universe. (but i don't know that he is for me either but I still love him).<P>At certain times(when the kids are screaming, I'm interrogating him, nagging etc.) he feels he would like to be somewhere else and this is the first time he's felt it and why he went to counseling.<P>He wants to feel certain that this is the life he has chosen so that he doesn't look back in 20 years time and regret not doing something else. How common is this thought??????? It's tearning me apart but I want to do what's going to help him.<P>I know there are a lot of questions...feel free to address as few or as many as you can cope with! <P>Is this pie in the sky thinking? Are all you men out there married to the one and only person in the world for you or the closest to perfect you think you'll find? <P>Do men start thinking like this at times of crisis and will he work through it? He also thinks it is a temporary thing that will improve when the stresses start to lessen.He didn't think like this when times were less stressful, just since our twin was in hospital. <P>Should I just give him space with his counseler and hope things will improve? <P>Is he voicing things to me that many other people think or is he the only one? <P>Advice from experienced councelors on this matter would also be good. Is it more common than I think or is this the start of the end? <P>

Twinnygirl,<BR>I think your situation is more common than most would like to admit. That is why we are all here. Things just kind of spiral out of control and then you wake up and don't even recognize the person next to you or yourself. IMO, purchase the book "His Needs/Her Needs" It's a good guide for making sure you or you're H don't wake up in 20 years(or sooner) with regret.<P>oswald

Twinnygirl,<BR>I think that it is definetly common especially under the new stresses place on you and H with the twins. Don't we all contimplate at one time or another, vocally or inside our own minds, whether the life we are leading is truely the life we want. Or maybe that there is some higher calling for us. I sure do. <BR>I think all you can do is support you H and if he is seeing or will see a councelor that is a plus. Eventually when he works it through he will be ready to talk more. I don't think it would hurt to ask if he wants to talk, if he isn't ready then that is fine too. Let him get his feet back on the ground. Sil