Okay, maybe I did step over the edge now. I did my Christmas Card list. I mailed one to two mutual friends, but also included a small note telling them why my H.'s name was not on the card. One of the friends has a grown daughter, and she called and asked for my H. Told my H. she thought it was very inappropriate for me to do that, and she was very sorry for his pain. She try to comfort him openly. I was furious! My phone, my money pays for this, and this is what happens. I am not sure if I did the right thing, but my H. has been telling everyone that it is my affair, not his. I have never had an affair in my life! So am I wrong to mailed this letter, or am I right to be angry for it? H. yelled at me saying I was in the wrong. Help! gn

Snug,<BR>I have to side with the H on this one, major LB. If your plan A’ing you can’t do this sort of thing. You’re supposed to be protecting him not crucifying him. Remember only you can make your H love you. Yes you need to protect yourself from abuse of any kind. But once you know you are safe, you have to do everything in your power to add to the love bank not withdraw. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not claiming “Holyer than thou” status because I’ve made these flub ups also. Just don’t expect and apology from him on this one. Instead, maybe it’s your turn to offer one.<BR>

Thanks for the advice. I did apologize to my H. I told him I was feeling hurt and angry because he was telling every one about how I hurt him with my affairs. I told him I did not like those lies, and when I found out he was saying those kind of things, I guess I wanted to reach back in pain and hurt him. He accepted my apology. It is so hard to do this reconciliation thing. I feel stuck one moment, and the next everything is going very smoothly. I am not sure what I need to do any more. I feel as if I am the only one working towards healing my marriage, and that he is sitting there waiting for me to fix it. Ouch, that hurts, because I didn't have the affair. I am going to concentrate on fixing me and let him worry about hisself. Some times, though, I can't stand it, because he seems so righteous, and pious, and I hate that, because he DID wrong, and HE doesn't seem to be sorry for it. I guess I need more time to decide if I can keep going or not. Gn