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#403642 12/11/00 10:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
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Baloe Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
I found out on sunday 19 nov that my H had an affair with a woman I also knew. We had long talks after that. I told him no more contact with OW and he agreed with that. I said that I would go see here and tell her that i knew and that any contact with my h would make big problems for him. He agreed to that too. So on monday I called her but she could not get away to talk to me that day becouse her husband was around. We agreed on meeting tuesday morning. My H had already gone to work at that time (when I called her, he works evenings). half an hour after he was at work he called me to say that she had called his pager but that he did not talk to her becouse she was taking anap. He asked me if it was oke if he called her later on.(She called him with the question what was going on). he talked to her and said that I knwe. They coulsd not say much becouse her H was in the room too.Next morning I went to her house and told her to stay away from my H and she was sorry for it and told me that she would stay away. I threatend her that if she would contact my H, I would tell her H who would become very violent with her. She said that she would probably tell it herself, so I changed my thread into that I would do someting to her. Then I left.<BR>It is now 2 weeks later and I have not heard of seen any sign from her (she was also sending my H emails, thats how I found out)<BR>I asked my H about it, if he had heard from her, and we have been (as far as I know) totally honest with each other. He said he hadn't heard from her either and that it was kinda hurting that she could drop him just like that. He thougd that there was real friendship going on.<BR>I'm very suspicius about this silence. Should I be and take more drastic measures? like changing pager nr and our own tel nr and email address? She lives in same town so I cannot trace any calls made to her since it's local.Should I have possesion of my H's passwords and voicemail?<BR>I just read the chapter is SAA about ending an affair and just don't know anymore if I'm still thinking normal or if I'm overreacting.<BR>

Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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NSR Offline
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Joined: Sep 1999
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Baloe,<P>Whether or not you're in full recovery is unclear yet...<BR>...it takes some time.<P>If your H is willing to admit that <B>he</B> wants to be in a recovery...<BR>...then by all means...<BR>...apply the <B>extraordinary precautions</B> to guarantee separation...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><P>Has your H been willing to learn the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Basic Concepts</A>?<P>Is counseling something you and he have considered?<P>Are you overreacting?...<BR>...not when your trust as been so broken.<P>Consider couseling (maybe even MB counseling) as a good way to start recovery!<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim


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