I have been married 21 years and recently became suspicious of my wife having an online affair (long and very late hours on the online, sleeping till mid morning, no house work getting done). When I was working on the computer I found video clips and pictures of herself clearly not meant for me. i went into her account and found letters to her lover and friends about the online affair. She denies it vehemently. I was/am devastated. I looked everywhere for answers as to what happened to us and found why she had begun this behavior. I had been neglecting her needs. We fought, made amends and spent an entire weekend professing our love and committment to change. Yet, I know she is still carrying on her online affair. Do I confront her with what I know? Am I wrong for tracking her activites (she feels I am not trusting her (remember, she refuses to admit the affair)and not giving her privacy.<BR>I want us top share screen names and passwords but she is negative toward that. i don't want to turn computer off cause i work out of town and is a good way for us to communicate. i just hate the lying and deceit while trying to renew our marriage.<P>Haz

This is a difficult question. I would continue to track her activities. If she<BR>continues to not tell you the truth then<BR>you are really stuck. I would suggest <BR>counseling immediately. Good Luck.

My wife of 25+ years did the exact same thing. Your wife is sick, it's called net addiction. She and you need counseling right away. I am betting your wife will never of her own accord stop what she is doing. My wife didn't She denied anywrong doing ever even to the point that when I picked her up at the airport after a chatroom 'party' ,she looked me straight in the eye and lied. In reality she met and slept with some guy from a chatroom. The whole time she was on the net she was playing games, cybersexing, etc. I ate up all of her excuses and denials without question for like 9 mos, UNTIL I got some hard evidence via a key logger. The ink wasn't dry on that filthy email that I printed when I confronted her at 3 in the morning. She couldn't deny anything then. It all came out and God it was the ugliest thing I ever had to deal with in my 50 some years. That my life's partner, the mother of my children had betrayed me so completly and while in my own house. IT WAS HORRIBLE.<BR>But it was the starting point for recovery of our marriage. It took THAT for me to finally see what she had been telling me for like 20 years. Could she have done it another way? I don't know. Should I have acted on her pleas and her begs for love and affection before she felt she had to do it that way? You bet. She didn't just want love and affection she absolutely NEEDED IT. It was a very bitter pill and a lesson learned the worst possible way a man can learn a lesson. <P>Get her some help RIGHT NOW. Get a third party involved somehow. She is in the worst possible fog, she will fill in the blanks of the men she thinks she knows in those chatrooms until she 'falls in love' with one. It's so easy when all you have is words on a screen and maybe a phone call. Boy do I believe now that women use sex to get affection and men use affection to get sex. YOU have to find out what her needs are right now and you have to change to meet those needs. If you don't, someone else will and believe me there are thousands and thousands of predators out there who will gladly 'meat' the needs of a troubled woman like your wife. <BR>Take a look at netaddiction.com. Read the Harley stuff thats offered here, maybe talk to them even. Read the old posts here. <P>Good Luck.<BR>