I have been a mess since d-day. Some good days alot of bad ones. <P>Once again this weekend, I was unsure of partner contact with OW. I questioned him and he go angry and defensive. He said he just wants to move on. When am I going to let it go and move on. I believe he hates to rehash the OW and A, I guess he feels like his is alway on trial.<P>Well I kept cool for the weekend and he brought up the subject of OW. He said he is in control of contact and there has been not contact. He change his cell phone number and said they do not even call at work. I again asked for re-confirmation and he calmly said no, there has been no contact. He said everything at home is better we have communication and meeting each of our needs. <P>I told him my concern of contact because it starts as innocently flirting, then ask you to come over then that's it, A. He agreed, but he said the A was happen because the emotional needs were not being met. And as most men that mean sex. He felt having sex with me was a chore. I agreed, because my needs to attention and importance in his life was not being met for me.<P>We both agreed on this. We both are communicating much better, playing and joking with each other. I think we are letting go of all our walls and really opening up. I know I need to stop asking questions about the OW and A to move on and repair our relationship. He promises there is no chance of an A if we keep communicating as we do. I told him we should be both of our bestfriends. If anything is bothering him in our relationship he should come to me and talk and no one else. He said your right and that was probably my fault of the A by not coming to you and talking. This made me feel good.<P>I will have to bite my lip and back off with the questioning. Do you think I am in right direction? We are in the third month of recovery. One of his A was two years ago when we broke up for a couple of weeks that ended with possibly with an OC. The other A with OW's were speratic and just for self satisfaction. Nothing on regular basis just when he needed attention. These are the ones I question alot. He says they do not call him at work and he has control. He tells me he change his cell phone number to make me feel more secure and changed his business card and they only have the work numbers.<P>Am I at a point of letting it go as far as questioning about the A's and OW's? He know I still have trust issues and he still calls me to let me know where he is. It's almost like I am afraid to let go, to take a chance. I guess I am going to have to let go and just work on the now and present. Make my relationship better and better, like it is going. <P>What are you thoughts? Can anyone please guide me, like I said this is the third month since d-day.<P><BR>

well this is my first reply to anything but I'll give it a shot. I understand your predictament and I hope that things continue to go well for you. However please keep your eyes opened my dh had a affair 2 years ago this month and I found out and of course he said he loved Me ETC......... We have 2 beautiful kids together and I want it to work so we go to counseling and everything and I have thought we were okay until last week. Come to find out he has been seeing her for almost the entire 2 years since then. He has been saving and stashing money(which he denies) and stuff. Please do not be as blind as I was!! I am totally devestated as he continues to deny when I KNow 100% IT IS TRUE WHERE THEY WERE TOGETHER AND STUFF.

I know exactly what you are talking about! (Isn't this forum great - because you can really believe someone when they say that to you )<P>Anyway - I'm month seven into recovery and my H have been pretty "quiet" with each other about the A for the last month or so. I'm backing off too. I know that when I focused on the OW it just sent us backwards and frustrated me. BUT, I think talking about issues that led to the affair is warranted and necessary in order to heal and recover. If there are still questions regarding this, then ask them - in a non LB'ing way of course. The book "After the Affair" by Janis Spring has been very helpful.<BR>Hope this helps.

Dear Vazquezek, Hi this is my first response to anything, and I am new here, but I have observed a lot of stuff going on here. I would like to be part of you guys, since unfortunately I have had similar problems. Well first of all let me tell you, My hubby and I went to tough times because I found a card to a topless bar in his pocket by mistake. This was in Feb this year, and to this day I still bring it up every chance I get, and I always wondered if he still was going there, even though he says he never went. My advise is this: Let go of the past already. Whatever happened, you guys have agreed to move on with it, so move on. If not you will only hurt yourself with these thoughts. Trust him only until he proves you otherwise.However, do pay attention to things, but dont comment on it unless you have evidence. A man is not usually going to come out and tell you the truth. Believe me I tried it your way and all I got was pain and suffering, and now just barely I have let it go and decided to make myself happy. We are responsible for our own happiness, and also our thoughts, so don't punish him for it anymore, otherwise you will not be happy. Trust in the lord and have faith, but be cautious. I hope this helped you a little. I think if I had followed my own advice I would not be hanging by a thread now. Anyways, one last thing, since I am new to this, explain to me what OC means and also d day?<BR>May god bless us all.

Thanks for your reply. Sorry for my late reply but my email was down.<P>OC refers to other child - if OW (other woman) becomes pregnant and say it your H.<P>D-day is the day you were told of the A (affair).<P>Thank for your comments is makes me feel as I am going in the right direction. I decided to reconcile my relationship. So I must move on and make myself happy so that we can be happy together. Just be the good person I have always been, let go of the venom in me. You right I give it to God and pray he will light my way and protect me. He will only gives us as much as we can handle.<P>I am happy my hubby is with me, he sincere in working it out and it shows with his demeanor around me and the children. He home now, he calls me all the time and tells me he loves me every morning upon waking and every night before we lay and everytime we talk during the day. He has open up to me in alot of ways I have never seen. Just being alot more care, carressing, loving, funny and even real goofey. <P>I am going to take all this in and live my life very happy. Show him I want to move on and like he says make our relationship better than it ever was. He tells me just like I love you so much more deeply as I ever had before.<P>Thanks again, anymore questions about anything let it rip, I am here for you.