I've being working on plan A for the past two weeks and I found out she is still seeing him and they're as strong as ever. I also have been questioning my love for her. I know I'm falling out of love. <P>She still denies who she's having the affair with. She's protecting him because he'll most likely lose his job--it's her therapist! I'm going to present my evidence of the affair to her and her therapists business partner on thursday or friday. Major LB, but I just don't care anymore...I'm just wondering if I should wait 'til after the holidays or go for it now?<P>My 2 other posts in 'Just Found Out' section of the forum describe the affair in more detail. Just read my posts under noor. Thanks

1) Is she still seeing him in hte office for therapy? Or is the contact outside the office. What is your evidence?<P>2) If she were to drop him immediately and not ever have contact again, would you still want to let the partner of this therapist know of his partner's misconduct?<P>I ask because you have a moral obligation to report this man, whether or not your wife ever speaks to him again. You owe it to his patients and to society to protect vulnerable people. This man is behaving unethically. He's a predator.<P>3) The timing is unimportant, IMHO. What does it matter if it is a LB? See above, about the moral obligation.<P>I understand about falling out of love. <P>There ARE limits to what a loving spouse can endure before their love shrivels up and dies. <P>Sorry. What a lousy Christmas you look forward to. Just don't lose yourself in all this mess - your decency and integrity.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

noor - two weeks of Plan A is really too short. Please consider that your feelings about her will obviously be shifty. Have you done counseling yet? Try a session with the Harleys to allow them to help you get situated in a custom plan.<P>Have you consulted a lawyer about presenting your evidence to his business partner? Please consider this also.<P>There's some urgency here, but not so much to go about things without a well thought out plan. You have an excellent chance to resolve this. Don't let your emotions make the decisions - use your brain.<P>WAT

Noor,<BR>WAT is right, you’re not really at a stage where you know your true feelings. You’re just starting on the roller coaster ride from hell. Two weeks into this my mood and thoughts changed with each passing minute. You should talk to Harley it’s only $95.00 a far cry less than the hourly rate of most attorneys and well worth the investment in yourself alone if not for the marriage. Have you read any of the books to try and get an understanding of the how’s and why’s A’s happen? Regardless of your decisions you need to do this for your own sanity.<P>Also consider this, yes this man is a predator, he should be exposed, and even though most people have advised that, I don’t agree totally, maybe this is something you can use to your benefit for a while. If you decide to stay and work on the M. You are holding the MOTHER of all trump cards. What a great incentive, for no contact. If you have actual proof and get things going positively with your W. You can approach him with the evidence and tell him it will never leave your possession unless he tries to contact your W again. I’d be willing to bet he would become very invisible at that point. Most of the BS here never have had an ace in the hole of this magnitude. Think carefully before you squander it.<P>Eventually, down the line, I would say yep, burn his A$$. But not before you have used it completely to your benefit. <BR>

Report this "therapist" to his professional association. What he is doing is unethical. If you can prove that he is having an affair with your wife he could loose his license to practice.

Thanks for your replies. To answer some of your questions: we are currently in counseling--myself individually and joint marital plus we're talking with the Harleys. I have read most of 'surviving an affair' and I'm starting 'his needs her needs'. And I realize two weeks is way too short (it's bee three since I found out). But as I see her deceive me and continue to see this guy, I lose major love units for her. <P>I wonder if I should still invest so much when I feel she's just along for the ride...<P>I have serious doubts whether she can let go of our past problem and arguements and beleive in us again. There is also the complication of alcohol and prescription medication abuse on her part, although she will deny it.<P>I definitely want to see this predator/therapist go down!!!