{First, I just want to say thanks to everyone who has been posting advice for me. i'm getting advice from every one--professionals and common sense people.}<P>I'm still working on plan A. I need to know: Do I turn the OM in. It is her therapist. They are both doing a great job denying it but I have the evidence to prove it. It is irrefutable and cannot be misinterpreted. I've thought about going to him and insisting he break it off (it's still on-going) or go to his partner (a former lover) with it and asking her advice--I'm told she has impeccable ethics.<P>I'm still working on our marriage but have serious doubts it will work out with her.<BR>Throughout our marriage we have done several LB things to each other. I know she cares about me but doesn't have any romantic love for me. I also wonder if too much water has passed under the bridge. <P>In the mean time I'd like this OM COMPLETELY out of the picture. Should I go to him and threaten his career and risk her finding out how I collected the evidence? or just continue with plan A which I feel is working--she's warming up but at the same time I'm cooling to her (I'm getting nothing in return).

noor - I'm still of the opinion that you get counseling with the Harleys about what to do with the affair, and get a lawyer to advise you on how best to confront the therapist. Perhaps the lawyer could be a third party that keeps you out of the picture.<P>There's two issues - your marriage and the danger this predator represents to others. Attend to your marriage first and let the lawyer do the dirty work. The fly in the ointment is your evidence that may be illegally obtained. Have you figured this out yet?<P>Many of us have the feeling that too much water has based under the bridge to save the marriage, but we read stories here where that thought has turned out to be premature. You should assume that you can recover and proceed on that basis. Part of Plans A is giving it all you've got so that if it can't be recovered, you'll know for sure. If you don't try, you'll never know.<P>As an alternative, post the scum bag's phone number right here and a bunch of us will call him up and scare the s*** out of him. He'll never know what hit him.<P>WAT<P>

My wife had a one night stand with a 'trailer park reverend' she met on the net. Well I figured he was a menace to everything that he touched as a 'man of God' so I took it on myself to spread the word about this devil in disguise. Using some map program for addresses I notifed all his 'collegues' in like a 50 mile radius of where he lived about the kind of 'ministering ' he really was doing. Then I notifed all of the professional affiliates he had on his website including his pastoral credentialing authority. Boy they jumped on my info especially when I told them about his website where their name was very prominently displayed. They pulled his license to whatever it was he was suppose to be doing. <P>Of course he threatened me with a lawsuit for libel, slander whatever........it's been 3 years now. I haven't heard from him since but he hears from me now and then yet as do his collegues in the area just in case they have short memories.<P>In your case I can almost gurantee you that this scums's professional licensing authority would come down on him very hard. Give them a call and tell them your situation and see how much of your name can be kept out of it. Or send them an anonymous letter with enough particulars that implicate this guy and I'll bet they will investigate the accusations anyway. And they'll more than likely come up with the truth about him. There are very few professional organizations that want that kind of a bad apple loose cannon type in their midst. Bad for business and all that <P>Your 'ace in the hole' in your situation might be the partner-former-lover. To me that opens up all kinds of possibilities.<P>Good luck. I'll be looking along with WAT for the guys phone number too. A few calls from strangers that know more than they should know about his personal life will make him stop and think for sure.

The longer you allow your wife to be in <BR>contact and undergo therapy with this therapist the less chance you will have getting her back. She is under his control and will continue to lie to you and be in a<BR>fog. You are so fearful of LB that you are<BR>allowing your wife to go further off the deep<BR>end. Stop it and stop it now for indecision<BR>on your part will lead to an outcome you do<BR>not wish. Good luck

My short answer.... YES!<P>If he were having an affair with your sister, your daughter, or your mother (gasp!) the answer would be the same. It just happends to be your wife.<P>Turn him in..... book 'em Danno! There are licensing boards for all states. Look it up on the net. There will be instructions for reporting.<P>I am a licensed medical person..... I hold my license to a high standard. Go after the turd! He needs to be flushed!<P>(am I too blunt? I am very passionate about this!)<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*