Hey mis. I'm sorry for your pain, I know it feels bad, although everybody's pain is a little different it all feels horrible. Hearts heal with time & the right treatmant.<P>I found out about my wife's affair 10 days ago. I'm totally devastated, but we're still having sex,as good as before strangely. She asked me yesterday -"if we split up, and we've had sex, how will you feel, used?" I said no, becaus we have always had a great time in bed, and sex is only part of what makes a good relationship. We might have other issues to sort out, but lets not make sex one of them.<P>I'm not saying we are right & you are wrong - people & their feelings aren't that simple unfortunately, but why are we having sex when you aren't? You can read my story elsewhere on these hallowed pages......but here's my thoughts. <BR>We've talked about what's happened, T & I, and we both agree that we are still in love. We're not sure what kind of love we're in - it's not that cuddly,exited, god I'm in love kind of love. It's more that, been together for a while, settled, family kind of love - but love none the less.<P>We've agreed that we need to look at where we are and what we want long term, and to decide if we are to stay together.<P>It's not good to focus on what's happened, but rather what you want to happen. Humans are worse than elephants when it comes to forgetting MIS - how many past mistakes get brought up in arguments?<P>But it will take both of you to get through this, but maybe not both of you at once. I would recommend first you talk, then you talk again, and again -- and depending on how hard that is for you to do, this might sound daft, but it might work.<P>Sit down with a pebble in your hand. The rule is that the other partner cannot talk until the other is finished explaining how they feel. Don't cover too many points at once, and set rules - no alchohol, no shouting, and no longer than say 3 minutes with the pebble in your hand. It might be funny at first, but when you start to talk properly, the pebble will stop you arguing, and eventually you can place it in between you.<P>Look at at why this has all happened - use the emotional needs questionnaire in this web site to see how well you were each meeting the others primary needs.<P>Do you still find him attractive? Think back to what it was that made you love him and get those warm fuzzies - forget the past & see if you can find that feeling again. And tell him what has gone for you. He won't know if you dont tell him.<P>What about you? What is he not saying now that you want to hear? <P>Don't go it alone - read through this site and learn - about yourself & your love. If he wants to stay, ask whether he's open minded enough to try learning too.<P>Life is a huge learning curve, but it's easier climbed as a team. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mis:<BR><B>I use to get warm fuzzies just hearing the garage door go up when my H came home or would roll over in the middle of the night to just hold me...now, even 4 months later, knowing all that he has done w/ MOW...I am repulsed by his presence and the idea of being together dismays me...Does this ever go go away?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>
