Discussed going to Plan "B" with my wife today, and it looks inevitable. Come the first of the year (we both want to stay under the same room through Christmas for the kids sake...ages 4 and 2) we will be separating and following the Plan B principles. She has read Dr. Harley's SAA, and knows what Plan "B" means. <P>I discovered in August, and she still cannot make the break from OM. The sex stopped between them in October (as far as I know), but the mental affair continues. I have tried Plan "A" to death, and screwed it up plenty with the occasional Love Buster. I have a phone appointment next week with Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers to validate my thoughts.<P>My wife said to me last night "If I could only live with him for a week so I could realize what it would be like...that he is human too..." I have no choice but to let her go, and there is no guarantee that she will return. We have been to counciling together since September, and it seems we never got started fixing anything between us because she just couldn't shake him.<P>She is very concerned that I might find someone else while we are separated. The knife cuts both ways...she may not come back, but maybe I won't either.<P>I will be relying heavily on this board to keep me sain. I will try to have the best holiday I can with my family...because it may be the last of its kind. Thanks for reading...

Wishing you good luck and keeping you in my prayers.<P>You will get through this. We all will. And we're here if you need us.<P>Lori

Why did you discuss Plan B with her. She is obviously invlolved with it, but it is not her decision. Her thoughts should have nothing to do with your decision.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

My wife knows what Plan B is from reading SAA. As I understand the Plan, it is applicable when the spouse cannot break from the OP, and the betrayed spouse is beginning to lose love for their spouse. I know I am at the point of going to Plan B because I cannot take her contact with him anymore. <P>I have told her more than a couple of times that I couldn't do it (wait) anymore, and I've been seriously considering just divorcing her. The problem with that is that divorce doesn't solve any of our problems, and then my family is broken up. <P>We are at a fork in the road, and I know when we separate she will go directly to him. I just have to wait and see what happens. She is not "accepting" any love units from me, and hasn't in a while. I cannot keep banging my head on the wall with no visible return.<P>This WAS my decision, as well as hers. I don't see any point in trying to "surprise" her at the last minute. Maybe I'm wrong...it wouldn't be a first!<p>[This message has been edited by MJINGIT (edited December 10, 1999).]

MJINGIT,<P>In general, you shouldn't be discussing <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... even if your W knows about SAA.<P>It should be entirely your decision <B>alone</B>.<BR>It's one more thing to show your W... you can do everything on your own... and for her to get all her <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> met by OM.<P>What's done is done...<P>Yes... we are here to support you...<P>The most important part is that you make it a very <B>hard</B> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>! Firm on the NO CONTACT!!!<P>I think I'll be behind you shortly... Jan/Feb of 2000.<P>Post frequently...<BR>It looks like it will be a <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>-fest in the next few weeks... hopefully alot of support for each other... <P>Best wishes...<BR>Prayers too... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

NSR - when you say "firm on the NO CONTACT", are you referring to my contact with my wife during OUR separation, or her and the OM? We did separate back in October, and we went about it all wrong...we had way too much contact with each other.<P>On the subject of No Contact with the OM, what else can a betrayed spouse do besides: * state my position that I'm strongly against it<BR>* remind her that it is destroying our marriage<BR>* print postings from this board for her which discuss how important NO CONTACT is.<P>I've done all I can think of, and she just cannot shut the OM out long enough to make any progress. It is sure a struggle!