just found out 12/26 that he fooled around on me 2x during our 10 yr marriage, most recently in 9/00. and 3x prior to our marriage. we had dated for 7 yrs prior to our marriage in an exclusive relationship, so I thought. i thought we had a great marriage and have 2 beautiful 5 yr olds. <P>i am told by my h that there is no problem with us, that he just did it because, well,he's not sure. he's worked with a priest for about 2 mos and two 2 good friends, all before i was told about it. <P>we just moved into a new house. i have a new job. he's in a master's prog 1 weekend a mo. in fact the OW is from this school scene. she is a cop. my h is a sgt in another town far from hers.<P>my h is in middle of federal law enforcement application/selection process. that means if he's in, he'll be shipped off for up to 10 wks without coming home. i never worried about having to trust him during that time until this past tues. perhaps by then i will have enough time passed to heal some of my hurt so thati can at least sleep. <P>the thought of sex makes me puke. so does anything wedding...my girls have barbie wedding stuff from relatives as Christmas gifts. boy, do i have to fake a smile for playing with barbies.<P>i've constructed a support network of 4 women who have helped me in the past with nonrelated stressful issues.<P>i can forgive but i will not give any more chances. i gave him four chances that i didn't know about.<P>i pray a great deal. for me to forgive and for him that he is not holding anything else from me. it sickens me that i feel like he's still holding more lies from me although he swears he isn't.

Welcome <B>New</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You can do it even if he is far away...<P>Has he really committed to you and the marriage?<BR>Have you started counseling (maybe even MB counseling?<P>Assessing where you're at is very important.<P>Stay here awhile and learn... read... ask... <P> <P>Jim

Thanks for the info. There is no relationship that I know of right now, so it's not a matter of the spouse being separated from the lover. So I've been told, anyway. I am only 50% convinced at this point that there is not more to the most recent indiscretion than just a one night stand situation. I have to talk to him more about this. That whole "onion" layer thing.<P>He states he is committed to the marriage. He has taken the steps that would lead me to believe this is true. Right at this very moment, I believe he'll do it again but that is all of my hurt taking control. How can someone stop who's done this 5 different times in the course of 15 years? No one can answer that but him.