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Sunday, I was working in the garage. I bought a new chest freezer and was working on getting it set up, when I found a clip board with divorce information, child custody papers, information about getting custody, and how to file for my social security benifits because he told them I was emotionally unstable and was in a mental institution. I was shocked, the date and address was that of his mother, and she has not lived at that address since three years ago. Now what should I do? Should I call the county court and see what he has filed so far? Maybe he is trying to get me committed to a state hospital. I know he can't do that without a trial, so I am not worried about that. But I am worried that he is using this scam to convince a judge I am an unfit mother so he can get control of our children. One daughter recieve's ssi because she is autistic. Help! What should I do? SHould I file first for custody? I am not sure what I need to do now? DOes this mean that he has had other affairs, and decided to divorce me, then when I got this wonderful job ($35.00 an hour/ 50 hours a week) and he dropped everything to be supportive? Am I the world's biggest fool? Would some one please let me know? gn

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Snug, I’m usually the eternal optimist. But you know sometimes there are people in the world who just don't fit into the norm. From all you have said your H is a jerk, a loafer, a skate, an abuser, a manic-depressive and a host of other things. I always preach trying to work things out, but I have to say my instinct here is that you should change the locks, and find an attorney. <P>Look at it this way. If you had a pet dog that was loving cuddly, obedient and an all around great companion who for no apparent reason made a mistake and bit the neighbors kid, you would give the dog a second chance.<P>But if your dog were a mean, low down, knarling, growling pit bull and he bit the neighbors kid you would have him put down.<P>Your H is a pit bull, put him down. <P>"Just my opinion."<BR>

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Hi, snugglermi,<P>If you were to ask hubby about the papers, you wouldn't get a straight answer. The guy's a pathological liar, in my opinion. By all means, check at the courthouse to see if he has filed a case. Take the papers with you.<P>Question: Do the papers have a case number stamped on them? If so, he HAS filed them. If not, they MAY be draft paperwork. But go or call and see if anything has been filed.<P>Sometimes people file papers at court and never have them served. Sometimes they get preliminary information and don't go any further. He may have just been toying with the idea. But what more do you need to realize he is dangerous?<P>I come here because I believe in marriage, making it work, rebuilding. But sometimes it isn't possible, and may be bad for you and your family. From what you posted in the past, your H is a master manipulator. You can't win a game with him. He knows all the tricks. NO TRUST. Got it?<P>Let us know how you are.<P>by the way, Oswald put it pretty well.<P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess<p>[This message has been edited by Bellevue (edited January 04, 2001).]

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Thank you for your support. I did call all the local area courts. The answer I got was the clerk said "I seen nothing filed recently" So I asked her what that meant. "Nothing is filed" I said was there anything filed three years ago? She said "no". So then I called and made an appointment with Dr. Harley. I will speak with him this Friday. I believe you all are right. He is a scroundrel, and I am busy doing all kinds of things to fix me so I could be a better wife, and he doesn't seem to care about helping make this marriage work. This morning I got up one hour early to help my kids get back into the routine of school. He stayed in bed for about 10 minutes. He started yelling at me through the bathroom door, asking me why I was taking so long, and how much make up do I need to have on for "those people out there." I was a little taken back, because H. never, ever, never gets up to help with the kids. It is my responsibility. H. says he never gets any sleep. I sleep on a mattress on the floor in my daughters' room so he can have the master bedroom to himself. It has been this way for seven years. So I was a little shocked that he was awake. So I hurried up, and he got into the shower. I was busy helping our kids get ready for school, H. began to yell at our oldest saying that he was tired of the silly giggling game every morning. Again, my H. does not get up in the mornings. When I defended my son, because it was not son's fault, it was youngest daughter goofing off with breakfast, H. stormed into garage, pulled out the Porsche, and squealed his tires as he sailed out of the house. I am not sure what to expect when I get home. I think I am going to need a lot of support for this round. gn

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snugglermi:<P>Okay, so you've done your homework. Is your mind resting a little easier?<P><BR>"So then I called and made an appointment with Dr. Harley. I will speak with him this Friday. "<P>Hip, hip hooray. I'm so glad you're going to talk to Harley.<BR>"He started yelling at me through the bathroom door, asking me why I was taking so long, and how much make up do I need to have on for "those people out there." "<P>This is abusive.<BR>"H. began to yell at our oldest saying that he was tired of the silly giggling game every morning. "<P>He abuses your son about a harmless game that he's not around to hear? This guy is a control freak. Plus he's mean.<P> " H. stormed into garage, pulled out the Porsche, "<P>He owns a Porsche? Sheesh.<P>Hang on until Friday. I'm pessimistic about your chances to have a decent marriage. Please, think carefully whether you'd be better off without him (and also your kids.)<BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

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I'm in a rush but wanted to say I'm glad to see you've made an appointment with Harley. It will surely help.

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You've been sleeping on a mattress in the children's room for 7 years so your husband can have the master bedroom to himself?<P>Think about that.


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