Where have you been? How have you been?

Hey, Dogbert,<BR>Thank you for asking about me! Have been over on Recovery board for quite awhile now.<BR>How are you doing??? Hope you and your W are still doing well - making progress!<P>Well, there is so much to tell - can't believe all that has happened past few months. Do you remember when we last talked?<BR>I know my intimacy issues were still bad...<BR>Well, I will try to keep this as brief as possible. The end of October, I discovered H and OW were in contact. Dialed a number on H's cell phone - and, yes, she answered. She changed jobs, sometime in Sept., and is working downtown now - closer to my H. According to my H, she contacted him when she started her new job, told him she has stomach cancer(that's a good one, huh? old sympathy ploy gets em everytime), and so they started talking and met a few times. Then, I found an email account she had set up for them. H had claimed there were none. Well, he finally agreed to go to counseling, and we have been 3 times. It is good - the counseling. I have at least found out about the intimacy issues - guilt, H felt it was a "test", felt pressured, etc, etc. Have a long way to go in that department. Yet, I have major trust issues, and the discovery of more contact and more lies - well, I have not been doing well. It has been pretty devastating. So, with help and encouragement from buds over on R, I plan to concentrate on me and D's and do for me. Will just wait and see what happens with m - but, I am beginning to develop an "oh well" attitude...<BR>we'll see!<BR>BTW, I changed screen names(was afraid OW was lurking here) - have had a couple unpleasant talks with her(ie, when I called that number - she is such a liar). Being a Southern man, you may like my "new" name - if you want to read all my posts, they are on R - see if you can figure out my new name. If not, let me know...<BR>So good to hear from you, and I would love to know how you are doing! Hope you had a great Christmas! Happy New Year! I am so glad to see 2000 go!! (:<BR>Take care,<BR>A(S)

Ann-<P>I think I figured out your alias but I will just post here.<P>Things are really great with my wife and I. She had lots of revelatory moments during the autumn months and really started understanding my needs and making efforts to meet them. I on the other hand began to understand myself in ways I never had before and my relationship with God got closer than it ever had as well. <P>Well after all my revelations I began to express them on the Emotional Needs forum and found myself all too often going up against people that disagreed with me on nearly every point. Especially spiritually and theologically. During all this time of defending my views and my faith I guess I turned everyone off. In addition I realized that I could very well be stunting spiritual and emotional growth with my wife by being somewhat 'addicted' to the forum. So I signed off. Nobody misses me. They all just think I am self-righteous. I did make one post and then realized I shouldn't have.<P>Anyway, I guess after you have worked on your marriage for so long and now see 'some' growth in him (or at least some effort) you feel less inclined? I think that sounds normal. It is sort of like asking your wife for more sex for years and when you finally start getting it you feel as though you don't have the strong need you thought you did. Ok. Bad comparison.<P>Is your D still angry? Or does the fact he is going to counseling making her less angry?<P>How do you feel? Really?<P>Oh, I did find out one more interesting thing a few minutes ago. My wife wondered out loud to me why she feels the way she does about sex and that she doesn't want it that much. She said that she was turned off bad by married who asked her out when she was 22 and that could have something to do with it. <P>Then she said that her mother one time commented that "Oh. It (sex) doesn't it take too long and it's over." Then my wife said, "And when I got married to you I thought that an hour of foreplay was a long time. Let's get on with it." She didn't say this mean or anything. But it did hurt me.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Dogbert (edited January 07, 2001).]

Hey, Dogbert,<BR>I am sorry that you aren't posting anymore and that you feel no one misses you - I have! I haven't been on EN's or Gen'l Questions, so I lost touch with those boards.<BR>I am happy for you and your W and I am happy for your spiritual growth - something I need to concentrate on more.<BR>D is still angry, yet I think counseling is helping - they are glad their Dad is in c and they are also going to c which helps. I just think this is going to take a long time for healing to occur. As I said, I am just going to take a day at a time, and see what happens. JL suggested that maybe it is time for Plan B - and maybe it is, yet I am going to wait awhile. H says he is not ready to give up on us and really wants to work on it so we will see... I just can't help but be fearful and anxious that I will discover more contact, but hopefully time will help. H sounds more sincere this time that it is over. It has been quite a rollercoaster - I was so glad to say goodbye to 2000!!! How I feel?? don't really know - at times, I am ready to give up, yet I feel as long as H says he wants to work on our m, then we should give it a try. It is the trust issue that is so difficult, and hopefully with time, that will improve.<BR>I am glad to hear from you, and glad that you and your wife are making such good progress! Keep in touch!<BR>God bless,<BR>A