Hello, <BR> I just found out that my wife had a one time affair 1 1/2 years ago, and that she has an interest in someone else now. The first time, was an affair, she found a vary provocative note that I had found. She thought it was mine. It made her think that I was having an affair. I told her that it was not my note and where I found it but appearently she did not beleave me. I told her that I was not. Scence that time we have started having more agruments and she said that she "is not in love with me".<BR> Just recently I found out that she is having feelings for someone else. <BR> we have been together for 7 1/2 yrs. 2 1/2 married. Our relationship was great until the first affair and she says that she does not have that feeling for me. we have 2 boys 6,11. I have told her how much she means to me and that I love her and I am willing to put every thing behind use and work on our marrage. She tells me that she does not see how it can work when she does not have that feeling for me. <BR> Please help she thinks divorce is what she wants.

Welcome <B>I need help</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You have a lot to learn...<BR>Stay on this forum as long as you can..<P>Read, post, and ask!<P>Do read through the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>...<P>...and for heaven's sake... start on Plan A!<P> <P>Jim

Ask if she will go to counsling. I got the same "there is no spark", "I am not in love with you the way I used to be" lines. I started going to counsleing the same day I found out. I recommend a female counselor if you detect signs of resentment in your wife from a male. My wife felt threatened by the first counselor and so I recommended a female and now we are doing much better than we were. <P>I also recommend "Surviving an Affair" I felt the same way. I would do anything to help save this marriage. I bought the book here and I read it. Wife also read it and I think it helped me understand how these things happen and effectively execute the Plan A. <P>There were times when I didn't think there was hope for our marriage but the little things mean a lot over time. That is explained in the Plan A. I just keep making deposits day after day and I can really feel the love has returned to my wife. <P>Counseling and Reading are the 2 things that helped me the most. Once I could understand it all I could work at making it better.<P>I wish nothing but the best for you, good luck. <P>

Y'know - the "there's no spark" line is one many of us have heard. My H still says he doesn't feel in love with me, but at the same time we communicate well, work with our children well, make love better than ever! We've been in recovery 8 months now, and for so long our marriage was heading nowhere and we were growing apart. So, he found the "spark" in another woman and fell in love. I'm sure he can't help but compare what we have to what "they had". The early days of my H's and my relationship are so hard to remember and the spark and emotions of his affair are still fresh. SO - I'm hanging in there. My H has done so many things to me to indicate he loves me - roses, lovemaking, compliments, humour but for some reason the "I love you" doesn't make it past his lips. Kinda hurts, but I'm hangin' in there! So what's my point?? I'm not sure... except to say that Romantic Love grows into Mature Love, and it takes extra work and nourishment to keep the romance in love that is "mature"<P>