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Joined: Oct 2000
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Okay-here is the update. I have had two (2) sessions with Dr. Harley. He suggested I make a plan. He suggested I do the Love Busters Questionaire, and then tell my H. that we need to make a plan. His thinking I should admit to affairs I have never had was not a plan. I was at home, and I was downloading the LB questionaire, when my H. came into the room. He wanted to know what was happening. I explained, he laughed at me and said he wanted no part in it. I just shrugged, and continued to download. Friday was my last day with my contract. My client transfered out to another treatment facility in another state. So the Cottage wanted a "Good bye" group for my client and I. When I told my H. i needed to work on Saturday, he went bullistic. Screaming at me about how I took him for granted. That he was not a built in babysitter. That he had plans in Portland that could not be changed.n That he had an appointment for a job interview with a recording studio that was interested in his music. I never asked to watch the kids, all I told him was that I was asked to work for 1 1/2 hours. I called my Mom, no problem for her. So when I told my H. my Mom was watching the kids, he smiled, and said good. Then a few hours later, he told me he cancelled the music interview, instead he was going up there on Monday or Tuesday, he couldn't remember. I didn't say a word. He really thinks I am stupid! Well, work went tearful, but good. I have been at that Cottage with that client for seven months. So it was like saying good bye to really close friends. I got home, my son invited a friend over. Later that night, my son (12) had a conflict with his younger sister (7) about couch space. So my son physically picked her up and pushed out off the couch. H. was laying on the bed in his room, watching tv. All he said was, "The kids are fighting, go do something about it, please." Never moved a muscle. So I took my son and his guest into my son's bedroom. I asked my son to write down what he did wrong, five ways he could have handle the situation better, and five coping skills that would help him make a better choice next time. My H. told me that was a stupid waste of time. I should have had our son write 250 times I love my sister, and I will not hit her. I disagreed and said that this way our son can process his anger and realize he really wasn't angry, just frustrated. My h. told me, "This isn't the Childrens Farm Home, their methods won't work on your own children, for GOd's sake Gena, leave your work at work." and rolled back to watch tv. I said, "If you didn't like the way I handled it, maybe next time you should get up and take care of it yourself." and left the room. SUnday morning I was getting ready for church. This time my two daughters were having a tiff. My seven (7) year old did not want to share the breakfast cereal with the older daughter (10). So the older daughter hit and pulled the (7)'s hair. I decided to do my H.'s theory. My (10) wrote 10 times "I will not hit my sister" and 10 times, "I love my sister." She did not process her anger. She was still very upset and angry when the two of them starting arguing over a Pokemon coin. So my youngest came into the bathroom, screaming about how unfair it was, because I gave the coin to the 10 yr old because it was her coin. my 7 yr old kicked the bathtub, kicked the towel closet, screaming about me being the meanest mom on earth. She tried to leave the bathroom twice, but I stopped her by blocking her way, I knelt down and said, "ADriana, I am handling this in the best way. You can't get away with these tantrums. You need to calm down," She started to cry so hard, that she was holding her breath, this time I let her run out of the bathroom. She went straight to my H. told her I grabbed her arm and shook her. My H. comes storming out of the bathroom, gets within a few inches of my face with his finger, and tells me, "If you ever hurt my kids again I will break your $%^& neck, and beat you senseless. Do you understand me, you &*(^%!" I said, "I didn't touch her enough to hurt her." "You are a horrible Mother! I will take these kids from you and you will never seen them again, you lying piece of !@#$. YOu Whore, how dare you treat my children in this matter." I turned around, told the kids if they agree that I a bad mother then they could stay here, they all got into the van, wanting to go with me, I was going to church, then turned around and told My H. "Get out of my house. I plan on filing Monday morning for legal separation." Turned around and left for Church. I went to my Mother's after Church, and came home after dinner time. He was still here. I ignored him, and took care of my kids. I went to bed, after he tried to hug me, apologize, wanted to have sex, I refused, and refused. But our (10) yr old girl had the stomach flu all night. Throwing up, and all that. H. did not get up one time, I did. But this morning I can not go file because she is home sick. So that is the weeekend up date, pretty sad. I know that soon it won't be a threat, he will hit me. I am not going to wait for that to happen, I am just going to go file, and get out now--gn<p>[This message has been edited by snugglermi (edited January 08, 2001).]

Joined: Oct 2000
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I'm sorry you're weekend was so rough. I'm very glad to hear your talking with Harley and finally getting out of harms way. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <BR>

Joined: Aug 1999
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Hon, I rhink you will be doing the right thing, but do it ASAP! Your children are now starting to treat you the way he does....and use the situation to get their way. They need to see you put an end to the abuse their father is inflicting on you. Don't delay, because I do believe that physical abuse is likely to start. Your H is a very disturbed person (just trying to put it kindly). What I really think is that he is one mean SOB. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]


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