No proof yet, but time lines are funny. And he is getting moody, especially when I ask questions like what did you do today? <P>He is lying to his boss about why he didn't work on Friday. Said he was with me taking my son to college. Told me he worked half a day, then yesterday told me he should have worked. I didn't point out the discrepancy.<P>I am trying to watch him. Tonight I let him lull me into complacency and it took him 50 min to make a 20 min trip. So now I am really paranoid. I am going to watch him every step of the way that I can. <P>I am so sad adn angry about this. Mostly sad. I want to cry but I can't. <P>Gotta go make a call to fined out where he should be now. Please I need prayer adn a shoulder or two.

oh yuck. i hate this for you.<BR>how DO they make ten minute errands take 2 hours?<BR>i hope you are being paranoid, too.

Thanks LWB. Well, I went and rescued him as he took the Harley and only had sunglasses. By the time it was time to come home it was dark. At least I didn't have to worry about extra stops on the way home.<P>I hate this too. and I hate the decisions I am going to have to make if my suspicions are more than paranoia.

dreamer - are you and you husband in counseling? My husband's individual therapy and our joint therapy helped him understand that he had no boundaries and that his having female friends that were not a part of our socializing as a couple was destructive to our marriage. He now knows I would never again put up with the kind of behavior where he'd go to a female "friend's" apartment or the kind of behavior where he has long conversations with female friends about the state of their marriages. Just something to think about...<BR>By the way I am still very paranoid about his whereabouts and search for and find every little discrepancy in what he says even if there eventually is a logical explanation. It's several months post affair and post disclosure. I wonder when it will stop. Had one today - he said she was still on vacation when I thought they were working together today ( I think he forgot he told me they worked on a project together friday - now I'm wondering whether to start the questions again/ ask for explanations etc. Yes, it does drive you crazy. We have to believe the paranoia will end.

Simone- H won't do counseling. He has nothing to counsel for. Amazing isn't it? Besides we did that for his alcohol use and such and he just gave the counselors a line of BS. Went to AA meetings and then drank a beer on his way home.<P>So I counsel with friends and informal counselling to maintain some sanity. It has been 3 months since disclosure and supposedly he hasn't been there since. I know of at least one very short visit. I didn't confront him with my knowledge and I won't. <P>I am at the point where if I confirm this is going on I will leave for a time. I know that seems like I am letting her win, but I do believe that she was never more than a casual thing and that he never has seen her taking my place. So maybe a little reality check without me covering all his bases and making his life so comfortable at home is just what he needs.<P>Thanks for responding. I know that counseling would be the best thing. H is such a flirt and doesn't see the harm. She was just a drinking buddy.<P>God bless.

Dreamer,<P>Although I was the one betrayed, I too used to be an incredible flirt. One of the reasons W said she was unhappy was that I would always talk to her friends first and give them a hug or something and not do the same to/for her. Now that all this has happened I don't do that at all. It's not just a case of not wanting to or remembering not to, I have absolutely no desire to do things like that. The only woman I want to hug is her.<P>As far as being paranoid, I have felt much the same way. There have been times when I was sure that she was talking to or seeing HIM. Very recently even. But just this weekend after reading some of the posts here and doing some soul searching I have come to some conclusions.<P>1. If your spouse really wants to see the OP, they will and nothing you do or obsess about or worry etc. will change that.<P>2. You have to work on simply being the best person that you can. For whatever reason your W/H betrayed you. Most cases the reasons are founded in faults with both partners. In my case I had been a total jerk to W for years and she simply got tired of trying. Now I strive each day to be the best H and F that I can.<P>3. Love and understanding go a long way toward making a relationship work.<P>4. You're not always going to trust the W/H. With a betrayal on such an intimate level, it will take quite some time to recover the trust and understanding that was achieved prior to the incident.<P>I hope this helps...it does me sometimes. Sometimes I am still a paranoid male. Go figure.

With your situation - if you find out he started to see her again, and if you can't keep from pushing his buttons or lovebusting, leaving without disclosing would be your best option.<P>Darn, why would he start doing this again NOW? This isn't good..... You and him have lots to overcome, and finally have a chance to deal with it without all the tension and struggles in the house, and he starts seeing her again? It just can't be.... I pray you are paranoid!!!<P>It's not PMS - or has the missing stuff been happening for over a week? Please, Lord. Let her be paranoid - or give her strength to get past all of this.... Lord just be with her- because she needs all the help you will give!<P>****<BR>Dreamer - I've been a little suspicious again too, the tendency for me to be suspicious is always there during PMS - but I'm past that week now..... So, I'm wondering - if I should start snooping again. I haven't decided.<BR>

L&S- Good advice. I know that if I was a better person I would be able to do it just right. <P>TNT- I don't know what is up and what is down. I don't think he went there today. I haven't seen him or his truck near there. He explained his missing 30 min from last night. No love busting, just asked in a non-angry way tonight and he told me that he stopped at a bar on the way for a beer.<P>It could be true. He admitted that he was surprised I didn't question him about it last night.<P>He is off tomorrow and I have to work. Never a good plan when I am paranoid. When this happened on Monday he had 2-3 missing hours. So I will go to work and worry a little. Work is so busy I rarely have time to think of much besides working.<P>Oh yeah you are right. Why now with Chris gone, etc.?? Maybe because he is painting again. Seems to be when he is between nursing jobs and is painting that I have a problem. The scenario is very similar to when it happened before. Less missing time and I am more intuned with him. So I am trying to be as loving as possible. No lovebusting.<P>Thanks for listening. God bless<BR>