I have just found out that my husband cheeted on me. How do I handle this? How do I stop making comparisons between her and I? I keep asking him questions about their relationship he had, he keeps answering but should I keep asking questions? How will I know if I can trust him again?<P>------------------<BR>

Welcome <B>ang</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>The more you learn about Plan A...<BR>...the more you will realize <B>not</B> to ask him questions that are <B>not</B> building your marriage.<P>Yes...<BR>...trust can be rebuilt...<BR>...but it will take work!<P>Stay here...<BR>Read all the relevant links in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post...<P>and when you're ready to share more of your confusion...<BR>...get to know us by your <I>asking</I>...<P><B>You are not alone</B>!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Hi - I am going through the same thing - I found out on Sunday that he cheated. It was before we were married but it was 4 times and all one night stands with bar star sluts when he was drunk. One was a stripper in Mexico, one was some chick at a bar in Thailand. I don't ever compare myself. DOn't do that- there is no comparison. THis other woman is just taking scraps from him but you were the one he married. I am having mixed emotions - how about you. Do you want to stay or do you know?? I am not giving you advice just letting you know you aren't alone. I feel pretty lost and sick and wish he had told me before he got married. You should look at my note and write what Belle responded to me - it is quite helpful. My situation is under My husband told me he cheated! Why??<P>Hope you feel better soon. Remember - you can't compare yourself to someone like that. No matter what you are a valuable person and are better than someone who would take scraps from someone else's husband.<P>take care<P>------------------<BR>sad and worried

In my situation, it was not a one night stand, he had a 4 month situation with a young lady in Mississippi. He is an over the road driver. We want to work on saving it but like tonight, it can just take a word to set me off. What makes it even harder is we have 2 little boys to think about and I don't want to throw away a marriage that I thought was great for 5 years.

I remember the first couple months are just miserable. The only way I was able to get beyond the obsessive thoughts and emotional hell was anti depressants. It was a hard decision for me as I had never taken anything stronger then tylonal in my life. But a few weeks into it I was thanking God for them. I actually was able to have some semblance of a normal day. I am now better able to focus on my children and my marriage rather then my pain 24/7. My sleep patterns have straightened up somewhat and just the ability to feel rested contributes greatly to a closer feeling of well being.

What I really hate is being so confused. I want to work on things, I have counseling set up in a few days and he wants to go also, if his job will let him. I tell him I love him, which I do, but I am questioning what kind of love. I have been good for a few days but, he went to the convenience store and jokingly said "I am going to go to Pronto, or the bar and flirt," because when he is in public and drinking alcohol, he is the biggest flirt in town. After he told me that, all the angry feelings just came back. I have seen him in action at the bar, he had his hands all over another woman, nothing happened but I think that is when I lost my trust a year and a half ago. Maybe I have just been waiting to hear it when he told me last Sunday. I hate these feelings I am having. I have not knowing what I want or what would be better for me and the boys. He says that if I want him to he will leave but I don't think that is what I want. I tell him that is not what I want but I really don't know. He says that if I want him to, he will sleep on couch but I tell him I do not want him to, when actually I do not know what I want and I hate it.

I just wanted to let you know that I can empathize with your confusion. If you read my post under 'Why a prostitute?' you can see what I've done with my situation. I personally think that making big decisions isn't in our best interest when we are in a state of confusion. My best advice is to wait a bit before firmly deciding what you want, especially when it comes to one person leaving. Sleep in separate rooms if necessary. Weigh your decisions carefully looking at all sides. Choices made in anger and haste are hardly a good foundation for a new future. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful. I only wanted to tell you that I felt the same way just a week ago and that the despair does lessen with a bit more time.

ang,There sure is nothing easy about all of this, I know I'm in the same place! My wife is seeing someone and all I can do is think what does this man have over me? The answer is not a dambed thing! Don't even compair it's a waist of time! <BR>nighthawk...

I have been weighing, and I think that we are going to try to work through this. This is going to sound funny but I feel closer to him this last week that I have felt through the 9 years we have been together. We both still say that we should have got a hint the day after we got married. Not even 12 hours later, we were on the way to the hospital to see his niece and a car pulled out from a stop sign and totaled my car, needless to say we ended up at the hospital instead, "happy honeymoon," The 2 years later, we bought a new house, had a baby 3 weeks later, then 3 months later, 1 week after I went off of maternity leave, we were out drive, needless to say all 4 of us were drinking, and were in a very bad accident. He was driving, I ended up in the hospital for a month and had to have brain surgery to releave pressure and take out what had swolen outside of my head, needless to say almost lost an eye. The accident is still bothering him due to fact that he was drinking and driving and feels responsible. I let him know that in my eyes, he is my hero, he signed the papers to allow them to do the surgery necesary to save my life, I do not feel he was responsible due to fact that we all knew better but we did it anyway. Maybe the stress of everything was what pushed him to have the affair. If he was with her, he did not have to look at me and have the reminder of the accident that almost left his son without a mother. I am just trying to understand why, I am upset but I am not angry, being an over the road truck driver, maybe I was just waiting to hear it. I used to accuse him of it was just about the last couple of years that I stopped. Why do people have affairs, that is the question. He and I are going to start counseling this week, maybe that will help us understand.